Tentative Parenting : The Courage to be Disliked...

Prodigal Son : Ma - what's for dinner?
Working Mom : Sambar and Dosa...yummy na?
Prodigal Son : Ma - you made Indian again 😔...what about Ravioli?
Working Mom : I want you to eat some Indian food too baba...
(Prodigal Son walks away with a huff)

For a mother who wakes up extra early in the morning to get dinner prep done in the morning prior to leaving for work, this can be particularly disheartening. Especially when I know that I can have Ravioli or Pasta or even Sausage and Potatoes on the table in < 15 minutes too. However, a book that I read this weekend, gave me a new perspective on how to react to situations like this "small or big". The book was a japanese phenomenon apparently but I picked it up because it didn't give me lip service on how I can sparkle and shine and get liked by everyone but talked about having "The Courage to be Disliked"

Here are some of the key things the book reinforced for me :

1. You care too much about what everyone else thinks about you and that is the root of your anxiety and unhappiness (yup! somewhat)
2. Your excuses are weak and sometimes you don't have the courage to look the real problem in the face and tackle it (guilty as charged!)
3. Learning to separate your tasks from other people's is key to finding a bit of freedom and living a little more true to yourself (so true - I am constantly picking up after prodigal son, worried about if he is eating, grades, theater, robotics...and don't get me started about work...)
4. All problems are relationship problems : it comes down to us wanting to change how others think of us or perceive us and it also involves us getting incredibly righteous and judgy about other people...result - CONFLICT
5. the last one my favorite - All relationships are horizontal...we treat them as vertical, in some we look up to people and it changes how we interact with them and in others we look down on people and it affects how we interact with them...what if we treated all relationships from an equal footing...an interesting thought right?

With that said it's still 6.30 AM and my dosa batter is ready for the evening and my sambar is bubbling away in the Instant Pot. What you want my Sambar recipe...sure thing...I can tell you it's a life-saver recipe for me 😊

15 Minute Sambar

You need :

• Chopped Onion (1/2), Chopped Garlic (3-4 Pods), Chopped Tomato (1)
• 1 Large Daikon Radish (chopped into medium size)
• 1 cup Toor Dal (soaked in hot water)
• Grand Sweets and Snacks Sambar Powder (Indian Store)
• Imli Pichku ( pouch of tamarind  pulp)
• Other items : Turmeric Powder, Hing, Whole Mustard, Curry Leaves, Ghee

Steps :

1. Turn the IP to Saute Mode -  Add in 1/2 spoon ghee, add the hing, now splutter the mustard seeds and curry leaves. 
2. Add the Chopped Onions and Garlic and brown it in the instant pot.
3. Once onions are browned, add the turmeric, sambar powder, chopped tomatoes, cut daikon radish and soaked dal. Add 2.5 cups of water, more if you like your sambar a watery consistency
4. Give it a whirl, add salt to taste and the tamarid paste
5. High Pressure 10 minutes (depending on how mushy you want your sambar - I tend to go longer) - No Release

Tips & Tricks : 

1. Double the Quantity and save some for the next day! I always do and it tastes better
2. Pack Quinoa and Sambar for a quick hot lunch for your kids (add a dollop of ghee, they need it)
3. Add a cup of Quinoa and an extra cup and half of water - it's an easy version  of Besibelebhaat

My biggest learning the past few months has been while nourishing your body with food and exercise don't forget to nourish your soul and spirit...whether it's a random act of kindness, whether it's just good old solitude or reading a wonderful book like the one I did...be kind to yourself.

Be the Hero of your own Story!

My weeks are mostly upbeat and busy with a few weeks thrown in that are absolutely exhilarating and brilliant and then there are some weeks where all I want to do is drag myself back home, lick my virtual wounds, drag the comforter over my head and just go to sleep! This past week was in the last category and honestly after sulking alone for an entire evening and a day (the husband and kid were away at a Robotics tournament), I said enough was enough and took the puppy out for a long hike to clear my head and by the end of my 2 hour plus long walk I felt more like the "hero" of my story vs. that person that needed rescuing.

How to Break Free from Victim Mentality?

1. Take ownership and responsibility for your actions are and their outcomes.Determine what is needed and what is important to you and what do you need to do to make it happen. Don’t waste time blaming or getting angry at those who don’t want or need the same things you do. Get busy taking care of what’s important to you, and leave the others out of it.
2. Stop blaming. When you hear yourself going into blame stories, whether against other people, the world, life, whomever or whatever... say “stop” to yourself out loud, and actually turn your attention away from your blaming thoughts.
3. Become aware of the root of your sense of powerlessness. Before you construct the next narrative on who’s stealing your power, get curious about the underlying feelings of powerlessness that precede all situations. Fix it!
4. Be compassionate to yourself and others. Acknowledge your suffering with kindness, and then consider how to snap out of it. If there is a way for you to help someone else snap out of it ...more power to you. Offering kindness is the surest antidote to “Poor me.” 
5. Practice Gratitude. Victim mentality focuses you on your perceived loss . Try flipping your perspective and focusing on something that matters to you, that you do enjoy, and that you do "get." Shift your attention from what you’re missing to what you have. Today I am immensely grateful that my son and his awesome robotics team clean-swept the robotics tournament and qualified at the State Level. I am grateful for this beautiful view of a tree standing alone but strong...beautiful in it's solitude, grateful for the playful puppy who walked an hour by my side as we quietly enjoyed nature and the quiet peace.

So are you going to write your story differently starting today?

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and attention.” — Buddha

All I want is my cup of happy...

"Do not set aside your happiness. Do not wait to be happy in the future. The best time to be happy is always now."

For me happiness is in the small things now...it's  K1, K2 and me taking a walk with the puppy, its watching a funny episode of friends, hanging out with friends, dancing in a Zumba/BollyX class and today it was in that cup of chai that I drank while I read an Amanda Quick murder mystery...yeah yeah chicklit
I have compiled a list of things that I do to mindfully, see if they help you come up with your own list: 

1. Make a mental Happy List : I have never written down one formally but there are a lot of things that make me happy - chai, walks, chats with my boys, my little puppy, my work, my friends, dancing and Yoga among other things
2. Exercise : This past month has been hard work wise and I almost didn't make it to my exercise classes...I was so exhausted ...but I stuck it out, somedays walking in late but always present and dancing to a beat I didn't always get but which made me sweat like crazy definitely made me happy
3. Self Acceptance : You are made a certain way for a reason...accept it and love it. I always worry about my weight, my odd sense of humor and perspective on life but lately I am more accepting of my perceived flaws and indulge in accepting myself in a positive way.
4. Minimize your desires : I have been reading the Bhagavad Gita and it says Desire leads to Attachment and when Desires are thwarted it leads to frustration and unhappiness. Why not just want and need less...happiness will be automatically ours
5. Practice Gratitude : Every night before I go to sleep I list to myself three things that I am Grateful for...and I usually go to sleep feeling Happy.
6. Change Your breathing - since I discovered that Breathing can get me to control my temper, I have practised intentional breathing (pranayama)
7. Act Happy - I am not saying Fake it But I am saying if you smile even though you don't feel like it...in a couple minutes you will see your mood is elevated...people are smiling at you, the clouds part on a rainbow, that growling dog suddenly starts wagging it's tail....you get the picture.

Today I was happy because I got over my fear of cooking lamb and made an awesome Lamb Curry in < 25 minutes, no marination required. Whole Foods had a sale of organic, grass fed boneless leg of lamb - I couldn't resist buying some, but there was a small voice in my mind which kept telling me that I will totally mess it up - Guess what, I didn't - I made this totally awesome Lamb Curry  instead!

Easy Peasy Lamb Curry 

Prep time: 5 mins

Cook time:< 20 minutes

Total time: < than 25 minutes

Serves: 6-8

Ingredients

• 11/2 pounds boneless lamb meat, cubed really small  
• 1 8 oz container Bhuna Masala
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 4 tablespoons Roopak Meat Masala
• 1/2 lb Green Peas
• 1 large potato chopped into little pieces
• Ketchup, Salt to Taste, Kasturi Methi (fenugreek leaves)

How I made it?

1. Turn Instant Pot on Saute Mode. Add in the bhuna masala and the pieces of lamb and cook them together...I did not add any more oil
2. When all of the meat is partially browned ~ 3-4 minutes, add the chopped potatoes and the roopak masala. Add another 8 oz of water
3. Turn on the Instant Pot to 6 minutes, High Pressure
4. Let it naturally release
5. Now open, stir, add in the green peas, cinnamon powder, ketchup, salt to taste and the kasturi methi
6. Turn on the Instant Pot to 1 minutes, High Pressure
7. Let it naturally release
8. Once it's all done - Stir, Taste and Enjoy with fresh low-carb rotis or a scoop of quinoa

What's your happy place for this weekend?

Grains on my brains...

"True Genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain, hazardous and conflicting information and making the right decisions" 

                                                                      Winston Churchill

So my head is reeling with information - I just finished a book Grain Brain - net of the book is Grains damage the brains - even healthy grains. I found the book a little one-dimensional and almost fanatical in expounding the virtues of a high fat ketogenic diet (made my head hurt!). I am not sold on the idea of giving up all healthy carbs  as they lead to Type-2 diabetes and heart diseases (its partial truth) ...I believe there needs to be balance. I sincerely believe animal protein causes inflammation and the book Eat to Live by Dr. Fuhrman has played a very critical role in shaping this belief in my mind. 

So here's how I have broken down all this conflicting information in my head - 

1. Understand your diet. Log your current habits in an app - I have been religiously using MyFitness Pal ( came to the conclusion that I needed to add more protein to my diet and opted for plant based protein sources)
2. Our ancestors probably ate some grains so why not us - so focus on the real nutritious grains aka ancient grains - in India it was Amaranth, Ragi (Finger Millet), in South America it was Quinoa, in Africa it was Teff,  in Americas it was Barley. Let's follow our ancestors and get a little adventurous. I usually cook a lot with quinoa and steel cut oats and have been converting a lot of quinoa haters to lovers...one person at a time
3. Eliminate the White - yes, yes I know white flour, white rice is amazing to the taste - you are talking to someone for whom White Rice WAS crack...my go to meal is thayir sadam with avvakai pickle ( curd rice and mango pickle). I have weaned myself 98% off "white" - why 98% - when I go to a friend's or to India and the only option is rice - I will take a spoonful and relish it ✌
4. Grains are the environmentally sound decision - compared to the meats we spend one tenth the energy growing these whole grains - so this might be an irrelevant offshoot - but it is critical factor if this matters to you.
5. Moderation is key - our Indian palate makes the carbs (rice, roti) the center or mainstay of the meal - flipping the plate to make the rajma or the choley and the veggies the mainstay of the meal is critical to helping us obtain balance. I highly recommend reading Dr. Ron Sinha's book "The South Asian Health Solution"

Here's one of my favorite porridge made with Quinoa and Steel Cut Oats - you can have it for breakfast or brinner...

What you need?

1. Bob's Redmill Steel Cut Oats - 1/2 cup
2. Red Quinoa - 1/2 cup
3. 3 cups of water
4. Whole Earth Stevia/Sugar sweetener - 4 spoons
5.  1% milk - 1 cup ( Condensed Milk 4 tablespoons if you want it to taste like dessert and are not watching calories 😇
6. Black Currants, Raisins, Cranberries, Almonds
7. Pinch of Saffron

How to make it?

1. Add the Oats, Red Quinoa , Water a pinch of salt, the sugar and all the dry fruits and nuts. Put the Instant Pot on Porridge setting and forget about it.
2. Once done (don't do a quick release) - stir in the condensed milk to taste and then add a pinch of saffron ( or some powdered cardamom)
3. Enjoy!

My father had told me something once which I hold close to my heart - he had said don't do nothing just because you can't do everything...everytime I feel like binging on junk food or feel the ankle ache and decide I want to skip my Zumba/BollyX class...I push myself to do  something! 7 pounds down and 5 more to go 💪

The AHA Moment!

“I believe that the ability to laugh at oneself is fundamental to the resiliency of the human spirit.” 

I will let you on to a secret about me...I suck at parallel parking...so here's how it all played out - I was driving out to a Yelp Elite event in Palo Alto...on a busy road...magically I got a parking right by the restaurant on the street...I tried very hard to parallel park straight but was unsuccessful...so kinda sorta gave up and left my car with it's behind slightly sticking out...there were these bunch of teenagers sitting and drinking boba tea who had this amused look on their faces, I looked at them and then looked at my car and I could have walked away feeling shitty and judged but then I looked at one of them - winked and smiled and said - I sucked at it right! They started laughing with me vs. laughing at me...I left that encounter with a note to myself -“What other people think about you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If I base my self-worth on what everyone else thinks of me, I hand over all my emotions to other people and become dependent on a source outside of myself for validation. Then I wind up chasing after something that I have no control over, and should that something suddenly place its focus somewhere else, or change its mind and decide I am no longer very interesting, I end up with a full-blown identity crisis...SO.NOT.HAPPENING. A true AHA! moment - I am badass and I don't need anyone else to tell me I am badass...

While I was having my AHA! moment I was also cooking up a storm - I made my Detox Cabbage Soup and made a south-indian version of my khichdi. It was super yummy and I had it with a karela pickle from the Indian Store ( Grand Sweets and Snacks - Pavakkai Thokku). 

South Indian Khichdi - Ven Pongal

What you need

1. 1 Cup Quinoa (washed in cold water and soaked with dhuli/skinless moong dal 1/2 hr in hot water I boiled in my electric kettle)
2. 1 cup  Dhuli/yellow Moong Dal 
3. 3 cups water ( I like my Khichdi to have a nice mushy consistency...add lesser water if you want it dry)
4. 2 tsp Ghee
5.   Mustard Seeds, cumin seeds, Hing (asafoetida) - I used more than a pinch, Whole Black Pepper (most of it roughly crushed, keep some  whole for the garnish), curry leaves, a slight pinch of turmeric (optional)
6.  salt to taste

To Cook 

1. Turn on your Instant Pot to Saute. Add your ghee....add hing, cumin seeds and mustard seeds. When they splutter, add turmeric and crushed black pepper and curry leaves.
2. Add the moong dal and the quinoa  to the instant pot and give it a stir 
3. Add  Water 
4. Put the IP on Rice Mode
5. When done open, Natural Release - add salt to taste

Enjoy with a pickle, sambar or chutney and remember your awesomeness and don't let it rest on someone else's opinion of you!

Evening Routine and a healthy Kheer!

"It's incredibly liberating to spend some time talking to someone and not caring about what you sound like. It's about understanding myself."

My evening routine is still work in progress but here's the rough sketch -

5.30 PM : Leave Office ( my commute is 28 miles each way - I call up a friend/husband/son on my way back home or do a work call)
6.15 PM :  Reach Home and get dinner on the table
7.00 PM : Done with Dinner
7.15 PM : Leave for the gym for a 7.30 PM Zumba Class ( M, W, F) - if no Zumba then my husband and I walk the dog and  watch some TV
8.45 PM : Get back home
9.00 PM : Hang out with my son after which he goes to bed
9.30 PM : Read a book on the kindle, Watch TV or some nights I have a 1 hr Engineering Meeting
10.45 PM- In Bed, Asleep

Here are some things that I have found help me in my quest for finding grounding and mindfulness in my life :

1. An acceptance that every day will not be equal, some days I will be bone tired and grumpy, other days I will be energized and ecstatic...yet I will treat every day with equanimity and try to get it to a good close
2. Eliminate Negativity - I find that when I keep my thought positive, hushing that inner critic, giving my son praises vs. criticism and by practicing gratitude for this wonderful life, I am able to end the day on a high note. I make a mental list of all the awesome things that happened to me  that day before I fall asleep (my mental gratitude journal.
3. Do at least one thing you love - I do  a LOT of things I love...I dance (I go to Zumba), I spend time with my son and husband by taking a walk with them, I play with the puppy and I read in the evenings...
4. Plan for the next day - Nothing is more discouraging than beginning the next day without a plan - I know by the time I go to bed what's for lunch for Krish and me and I have things ready in the kitchen for a quick in and out in the morning. I also plan out my work to-do list for the day in the evening.

I made a healthy dessert for the boys this evening (yay! for saturdays). It is  quick to make this  Kheer made with Palua or Arrowroot. Palua or Arrowroot is a medicinal root found in East India and I got my stock from the Adivasi Mela when I was down in India but you can find it on Amazon too. Palua is nutritive, and is used as an agreeable, non-irritating diet in certain chronic diseases, during convalescence from fevers, in irritations of the digestive and respiratory tract  and is well suited for infants - it's jelly has no peculiar taste, and is less liable to become acid in the stomach, and is generally preferred by young infants to all others. It helps with weight loss and heart health.

How to make Palua Khiri in your Instant Pot?

Ingredients

• 4.5 cups of 1% Organic Milk + 1/2 cup
• 5 tablespoons Truvia/ Brown Sugar Blend
• Crushed Elaichi (Cardamom)
• 1/4-1/2 cup of Palua or Arrowroot Powder (this thickens the kheer, so add based on how thick you like your kheer)

How To?

1. Mix the 1/2 Cup milk with the 1/2 cup of Arrowroot
2. Add 4.5 Cups of Milk+ Truvia + Crushed Elaichi plus the slush from step 1 to your Instant Pot
3. Set the Instant Pot for Manual 5 minutes (NR)
4. Once the pressure has naturally release, open, stir and taste 
5. If you are happy with the sweetness, go ahead and keep in glass/earthen container for it to set ((if not please add more truvia to your taste)
6. Once it cools down, you can keep it in the fridge. Garnish with almonds and savor this wonderful dessert which is actually very good for you!

Do you have an evening routine?

What's for Lunch?

“He who every morning plans the transactions of that day and follows that plan carries a thread that will guide him through the labyrinth of the most busy life.” 

5.45 AM : Wake up before my alarm goes off, do 5 minutes of pranayam, mental to-do list and top 3 things to get done at work and home.
6.00 AM : Morning Routine (Lunch Box for kid, Morning snack for kid, empty dishwasher, make tea and pack my own lunch bag, Check Emails/respond to urgent ones )
7.15 AM : Get ready, motivate kid to get up and get ready
8.00 AM : Head out, drop kid at school and go to work, either do conference calls or call mom on my way to work
8.40 AM : Reach work, meetings start...anywhere from 6-9 meetings/day
10.00 AM : Break my fast and have my ginger tea (I pack it in my lunch bag) with roasted peanuts
12.30 PM : Run downstairs to move my electric vehicle from it's charging spot in the garage, run back up and heat my Detox Soup and then it's back to meetings
6.00 PM : Head out home
7.00 : Dinner on table and eat dinner with family by 7.30-8.00 PM
8.00-8.30 PM : Walk the dog with the husband and catch up on day
8.30-9.00 PM : Organize around the house, prep for the morning
9.00-9.30 PM : Catch up with kid, he goes to sleep
9.30-10.30 PM : Work
10.30-11.00 PM : Me time - Read, watch TV and wind down for the day.

I am not sharing my schedule with you to elicit pity, sympathy or awe...this is what it is right now and it will probably get better over time as I get a handle on my commute (~ 45 mins-1 hr each way) and my work (still new)...it's just to say I understand you are busy but you can still put in some time for exercise, cooking and me-time 😊

This was today but Monday, Wednesday and Friday I get to squeeze some BollyX/Zumba into the mix and I am grateful that I am able to manage my schedule with work, kid, exercise and a healthy lunch/dinner though it is barely by the skin of my teeth...how do I manage... a big part of it is thanks to my two handy Instant Pots and Mason Jars &  Farmstead  . On weekdays, I order some of my grocery via Farmstead - it's mostly Milk (love their Strauss Milk), Bananas and some of the staple items that I run out during the course of the week and don't have the time to go to the grocery store for. This service lets me get locally sourced organic produce and grocery at a reasonable price with free delivery. How do my IP and mason jars help me - let me show you how.

High Protein Cabbage Detox Soup

What you need 

1. 1.5 Pounds Chopped Cabbage
2. 2 Handfuls Greens (I used Baby Kale)
3. Chopped Onions (1 small medium red), 5 cloves of Garlic minced, chopped cilantro/mint - 2-3 handfuls
4. Liquid Aminos, Salt to Taste, Turmeric Powder, Black Pepper
5. 2 32 Oz Pacific Organic Chicken Bone Broth
6. Olive/Avocado Oil

To Cook 

1. Turn on your Instant Pot to Saute. Add the oil and sweat out the onion and garlic
2. Add the turmeric powder and the black pepper
3. Add the Shredded Cabbage and let it sweat out for 2 minutes
4. Add the bone broth, Liquid Aminos or Salt (I added both to taste)
5. Turn the instant pot on manual high pressure,  NPR 10 minutes
6. Add the mint/cilantro and blend to a puree with an immersion mixer (taste test before serving)

 I took it to work and heated it straight in the mason jar and drank it. This was my quick fix to eating healthy at work and yes it is very hearty and filling. Here's a quick tally in My Fitness Pal of it's nutrition specs per serving - 100 calories, 7 gms carb, 2 grams of fat, 12 gms of protein and 5 gms of Fiber and 4 gms of Sugar

I really feel great about my lunches this week :)