Tentative Parenting : The Grass is Greener on the Other Side...

"The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's greener where YOU water "

I am very impressed with K2 - I had blogged his first brush with failure in the 3rd grade in a blog post (Read Here).  He had a similar event happen in 4th grade and then in 5th grade he wanted to stand for the Student's council activity director and I had tonnes of unexpressed misgivings - I helped him with his posters (he had most of the ideas) and his speech (mostly word corrections and a couple suggestions from me). He gave his speech on his birthday and was pretty sure he would win - he lost spectacularly !!! I gave him the right lip service - you gave it your best shot dude! You focus on the right actions, don't worry about the results  (courtesy : Bhagvad Gita) . What else can you do as a parent but  be supportive and not molly coddle. However, there was a part of me that was tired of watching him try so hard and lose.
The next day he comes up to me and says : Ma, I am standing for the class rep on Friday! I  made sure none of my dismay showed on my face and I was suitably encouraging ( I laid it out thick on the husband in the night...seriously he lost 3 times and he wants to try again !!!).  K2 worked on his poster and speech and guess what! he WON Class Rep. He taught me a lesson - this child of mine - never ever give up - tenacity, the right intent and right actions always pay off in the end.

Do you remember a blog that I had posted about 4 weeks back - albeit one where I was recovering from a pretty bad viral flu (so some of the things I said don't  make sense even to me ;-) ). But the grass now "grows" green in my beautiful front lawn. I taught my son something with that incident - he now believes that if you stand up strong for what you believe in is right - things will work out in your favor eventually.

I wanted to thank the folks who participated in the heartwalk on Oct 20th. Our team beat our target  for walkers by  8  and our fund-raising goals by $500 - all thanks to you !!!

Bhagvad Gita and the Work Place

I have had a crazy work schedule the past 4 weeks - barely getting the time to make ends meet in matter of time...yet every Sunday for a couple hours I pull up my Bhagvad Gita Online Course and get immersed in it. I do this for 2 main reasons :

• I feel closer to my Bapa. He spent his last year  doing the same Online Course through his chemotherapy rounds and his stays in the ICU and I  believe it made him a more strong and positive person
• I feel like I am making some progress along the spiritual knowledge path. Yes, I am one of those weird ones who believes in God.

As time passed me by, it's been almost 10 months and 14 Lessons (out of 30 Lessons) completed. Some weeks I have been a better student than others...Yesterday, I had an AHA! moment in the shower (one of the few quiet places in my life where I am not inundated with fires at work, sms pings, pressure cooker whistles or a clingy snotty nosed 7 year old these days) - my mind is the battleground and there are constant battles being fought internally between the ignorant and the wise, the positive and the negative and the right and the wrong...ultimately the good in me needs to win over the bad...

This is probably one of the key verses that has worked for me in the past couple months, coming into a society that believes action should have results, in instant gratification -- I have struggled with this concept for many months (unsure I have internalized it yet...) yet it is an important learning for me

1. For action alone have you the right
2. None concerning its fruits
3. Let not the desire for the fruits of action be your motivation
4. Nor should you desire to abstain from action
5. Act with equanimity of mind and intellect sans attachment to success or failure 

The Bhagvad Gita speaks of two kinds of (work) culture that can be broadly defined as the following -

(a) Daivi Sampat which involves fearlessness,  self-control, straightforwardness, calmness, absence of fault-finding, envy, pride and greed and a gentleness towards dealing with people and (b)  Asuri Sampat which involves egoism, delusion, instant gratification, self-promoting work, constant fear etc. Mindfully practicing the former is a goal I have set for myself.

I have been so preoccupied with life and such other things that  a wonderful thing as the Cherry Blossoms had escaped my notice till my son pointed them out to me yesterday. He made me literally "stop the car and take in the sights"....here is a  picture from my trusty Nokia.

How has life been treating you?

Temperatures Rising & Letting Go...

It is so hot here today it reminds me of India ... But at least in Madras, we had the humidity...here it feels like slow roasting...

I refused to go fishing with the boys today (they caught 8 trouts which my brother cleaned and cooked)...squeamish about seeing a whole fish vs. a fillet. The day was hot, so I lazed around for a while catching up with my courses on Coursera and Bhagvad Gita. My head was heavy I could attribute it to the 5 double shots of tequila I saw N adding to the Margherita...of which I had about a glass and a half  or it could be that I won't be seeing her for a while (she leaves for India tomorrow). I left her place last night (loaded with goodies from her fridge/freezer...homemade masala, coconut chutney, cream cheese, Coriander/Mint Chutneys...) and went to a session at Iskcon and the session was on "Letting Go". The session was not relaxing and truth be told my headache was so violent I was in an extremely judgemental and contrary mode...
Ironically my session on Bhagavad Gita today covered the same topic "Letting Go"...there was a concept called "Ladder of Fall" which I found extremely intriguing and here are my cliff notes on it :

There is a beautiful analogy of a ball rolling down the stairs and gathering momentum, it might possibly be easier to catch the ball when the momentum is lesser but as it reaches the bottom of the stair to catch it is harder…similarly man can fall down and to fall is not wrong, but it is wrong to remain fallen. I have added my thoughts on how you can remain mindful  (at the least you can have a good laugh, at the most it could be food for thought)

(a)  It is important to understand that brooding causes attachment. It is easy to think of what we want and get attached to it. I am attached to the idea of a clean house, so for me I feel that a good vacuum cleaner is my answer to a clean house. For the past 2 months I have been fixated on a Dyson Vacuum Cleaner (supposed to be the best!).

(b)  Attachment gives rise to desire - This thinking about the vacuum  has made me attached to the idea of owning it.. The repetitive thoughts about a cleaner house have strengthened my desire to possess the vacuum cleaner at any cost (it is $500 which is five times a normal vacuum cleaner).

(c)  This desire causes me agitation and anger – my common sense prevents me from buying the vacuum cleaner...my Eureka gets the job done.

(d)  Anger causes delusion – An angered mind is not a haven for peaceful or controlled thoughts and intellect is bypassed and I feel like irrationality prevails

(e)  Delusion makes us forget our past knowledge : We are a sum of our values and past learnings but delusion makes our mind computer hang and  our past knowledge and acquired wisdom is unavailable to us

(f)   When past knowledge is forgotten, the intellect is destroyed  - when the intellect does not have access to past knowledge and wisdom it shuts down and does not prevail

(g)  A destroyed intellect destroys the individual – what differentiates a human from an animal is intellect and without intellect we are no different from an animal

We can prevent ourselves from going down this slippery slope by staying firm in the knowledge that happiness is not in objects but within ourselves (and if you are interested, I haven't yet got the Dyson :) )

I did go to the Farmer's Market today and brought : Half a flat of strawberries, raspberries, red bell peppers, shiitake mushrooms, crimini mushrooms, Organic Eggs, Sukhi's Samosas and 2 Kale Salads. I also cooked some (Brinjal Gotsu and Usal). Incidentally, I made both the curries with the masala  I got from N's house and pictures are below. I look forward to restarting ordering food from House of Lakshmi  and leaving the cooking to her on these hot hot summer days...

How has summer been treating you? Have the temperatures been rising or have you been letting go?

Homeward Bound...dealing with Grief

“For certain is death for the born And certain is birth for the dead; Therefore over the Thou shouldst not grieve.”

--Bhagvad Gita

Sitting yet again at the Munich Airport...the sense of hopelessness has dulled. The only realization is that life as I know it has changed...I carry with me my father's ring (it is older than I am), his favorite shawl (a gift from my sister-in-law A) and an unfinished Bhagvad Gita course ( 18 chapters). I would be lying if I say I am ok...I have a 12 hour journey ahead of me and have passed the past 12 hours reading the Bhagvad Gita (truth be told...something I haven't paid a lot of attention to in the past).

Dealing with grief I was aided in my journey by something I read in Chapter 3 - The Path to Self Knowledge

The negative influence of grief in the Bhagavad-Gita is expressed by Arjuna who, while facing a huge battle in  dialogues with Krishna.

Krishna’s reply to him, which sets the basis for the philosophical foundations of the Bhagavad-Gita, is the Gita’s form of renunciation. The Bhagavad-Gita completely sets aside the human act of grief. Krishna says, “Your words are wise, Arjuna, but your sorrow is for nothing. The truly wise mourn neither for the living nor for the dead. And “Death is certain for the born. Rebirth is certain for the dead. You should not grieve for what is unavoidable.” The Atman survives several births and deaths and that is the only reality.

According to the Bhagavad-Gita it doesn’t matter which path one takes to realize the Atman within; it may be the “yoga of right action” or contemplation. The important point is that the seeker understands the futility of grief...Profound thoughts yet not quite internalized....