Return of the Native...

How I long for a hot shower to ease this throbbing headache and this lingering need to be somewhere familiar...when did India become this place that  doesn't feel like home anymore. There is a sharp need to be back in my routine which is comforting, mechanical and detached. Is it that I have just moved beyond the need to revisit the past and live in the present or is it that India brings back a "bag of memories" I would rather not revisit -- chauvinism, a false sense of progress and a fatalistic approach to life.
Maybe it is the lack of sleep - 18 hours in 7 days...or the realization that some things will never change : however much you move forward in your life (career, money, other parameters...) I have searched for approval from a few close people...approval that I never got...approval that I convinced myself I didn't need...and the resentment of not having the approval gets to me every time.
Sorry - I guess most people treat Facebook and Blogs as a way to discuss how wonderful and perfect their life's are, how wonderfully they have aged and how much their career has progressed and to be honest I was one of those people - I transformed myself through sheer will power from this weird plump little child to a woman I liked (most of the time). I was am a little hesitant to talk about fears and inadequacies but the truth is I am human and I like it this way -
I am strong, I am also weak ; I am a mother, but I am also a woman; I do get lost, but I try and find myself in time; the deep vortex of despair capture me sometimes (more in the past year)...but I am a Phoenix...I believe that out of the ashes of despair will rise a brand new person.
I wish I could call my visit this time to India a vacation, wear a happy face and do the normal things I do - meet people, eat the foods I love, just absorb the atmosphere...yet there is this lingering cloud on my head. Why you ask...I don't want to be a parrot so read it here ...what would you do if you were me?
For now the native has returned....there is a year to say good bye to and a year to welcome...
How apt is this saying -
We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences or things. it is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves...

Buddha : 24* 7 , Shempa and a good cry...

What are the odds of discussing Buddha, Buddhism and the eight-fold path with two devout Buddhists within 24 hours of reading the book - " Buddha : 9 to 5" - not too many...but it happened to me. I was going to tell you about this book anyways because not only do I believe it helps me "learn and grow" in the work place but it also helps me be "mindfully aware" at home...try to avoid...Shempa...BUT also because it is practical and you should read it if you are so inclined.

Deep...you say...me says focus on the word very practical....
Dimwit...I don't do Shempa...you say...me says...let me explain further
When we experience Shempa, we generally will tighten around a thought or concept and eventually we are hooked to that idea. We are stuck. The attachment paralyses us from seeing issues in any context that is different from our own view of the situation at hand. We are unable to act from a perspective that is open to the creativity of a new approach. As we continue to push the envelope and fixate on the outcome, we are actually building momentum towards attachment....
Sounds familiar...come on admit it...Living life brings with it either an innate learning or wisdom...this wisdom manifests itself in business in level-headness and reasonable decisiveness. It also manifests itself in intangibles like warmth, humor, compassion, humility and graceful strength...we release our fixation on ego and focus outward on understanding people (be it at work or home) and through that understanding where we can create and add value ( for the organization and on the home front). "T" the insightful one said in our conversation yesterday - we are very fixated on a need...we don't know what that need is...we think it is title, money, car, clothes, other material things...we try to fill that need -- yet there is an awareness that there is a gaping hole...something that craves more...maybe we are wiser for recognizing this emptiness and not trying to fill it with the material but reaching for a deeper understanding beyond maybe for something spiritual...

I know that was the exact sentiment I had as I picked up this book from the business section in our public library...I don't think I am even half way there in this journey ...yet as I like to say a journey begins with but one step...for me I think this  journey roadmap would read as follows in both my personal and professional life:

• Right View : the ability to view the situation for what it is...it is what is truthful and right. With K2, I know that I do fixate and make the issues bigger then they have to be and with mindful awareness, I am working towards taking a more level headed approach.
• Right Intention : over the years I have realized that there is a desire in me to love what I do, have a positive impact (whether it is on my family or my work) and have a purpose. Once in a while that sense of purpose might seem a little foggy but it always comes back...

After developing that wisdom, it is about building our ethics system...in most of us it is something we have built over the years with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong? but like every framework even ours could use tweaks...right?

• Right Speech  and Right Action: there is an interesting concept LEAP which is about listening, exploring authentic listening with genuine interest, questions and empathy, appreciate the other person's point of view and present one's own view point. I will provide you a glimpse into a typical day - K2's extended day care had a "talk" with me on K2's arguing every point with the care givers...I tried to sit down with K2 and understand the incident from his view point ( in from of the caregivers L & C), I asked questions, I did get an appreciation on K2's view point BUT with empathy was also gentle strength...an explanation that he needed to respect his elders and I presented my view...the view presented resulted in lots of tears and a I don't like Mama...but I was glad to go through all the steps with K2. The next day K2 understood exactly why he had lost some privileges and tried hard to work on his version of LEAP. We should pay attention to our actions and clearly understand their consequences
• Right Livelihood : Simple from my perspective...do what you love doing and something that your gut/heart tells you is right...and it is probably the right one...K1 keeps steering K2 to say he wants to be a doctor...and I keep steering K2 to follow his heart and his heart tells him to be a dinosaur hunter today...maybe 16 years later he might want to be the doctor his father wants him to be...but whatever he picks..it should not be because of pressure but because it is something he really wants to do..
• Right Effort : I think the book five dysfunctions of a team covers this well - make an effort not to avoid conflict for right, don't avoid accountability,and make an effort to develop and deliver...

All this leads to mindful awareness of self, family, situations both personal and professional -- I am really excited with some of these concepts...they are very applicable to our lives...
I am sure you are fixated on the "good cry" part --- ok so here is what happened. I had a huge stock of red onions in my pantry and beautiful campari tomatoes from my local farmers market -- being the frugal person that I am rather than see all my beautiful produce disintegrate...I sat in the evening yesterday and chopped 14 red onions ( not one not two...) and an obscene number of tomatoes, green seranno chillies, 2 garlic bulbs, huge finger of ginger...and made a huge batch of  indian masala base laced generously with turmeric and roasted cumin powder....this I packed and put in the freezer and will probably last me over at least a dozen rounds of Rajma, Chole, Aloo Dum and other wet subzis....the red onions made me cry for over an hour...my swollen eyes got me weird looks...
So how has life been treating you on the path to Nirvana....

Y(in) the Dark....

It is so easy to lose one's "Yin" in the constant struggle to meet deadlines, work schedules, travel schedules and personal to-do lists...girl stuff like buying clothes, girl's nights out, make up, movies, gym, grown up dinners and spa days ain't happening...it is a vicious cycle and once it starts, it is easy to make excuses and let things go...you know you have really let things go when  you suddenly notice that your clothes are two sizes too big (yep! for a change losing it not packing it on)...in theory seems like a good thing but in practice...ain't a good place to be in...so there was a point when I told myself enough already and set myself two ground rules (a) have fun (b) explore "me" time.I have really stretched and grown in this area  in the past three months - No Judgement, Only Action...
Zumba is something new and strange for me - I keep rejecting it and then approaching it tentatively again (all in a period of half a year)...it has helped me loosen up...learning to have fun with music and movements.Pink has become the new black in my wardrobe - shopping more consciously for clothes that are an opposite of what I normally pick...mixing things up. And most importantly, I have gone back to the roots with my cooking and food-- it is comfort (with a healthy twist). My "new" bread maker bakes me breads....filling the house with the yeasty warm smells you associate with a bakery...I get feedback from K2 on the taste of the bread ( the important part) and from K1 on the shape and the thickness of the bread (not so important part). I just baked this fresh loaf  with 100% Organic Sprouted Whole Wheat (Arrowhead Mills), Mango Lassi (don't ask me -- creativity sometimes flows), Honey, 2 Handfuls of Raisins and one handful of walnuts

 K1 and I make breakfast together on weekends : Waffles and Pancakes with whole grain mixes, organic eggs cooked whichever way seems right for that day...here is a peek at K2's breakfast last weekend - a homemade waffle sandwich filled with sliced bananas and smothered in Nutella  and an omelet

I treat myself every night to a decadent tasting dessert ( the famous "me" time) : Oikos 0% Non-Fat Greek Yogurt with a tablespoon of local honey...and maybe the Yin Side will not be sidelined or stay in the dark any more...
This week has been a blur of activity - birthday parties, shopping, followed by a quick trip to the city to pick up passport...car servicing...K2 is loving the transition from nanny to extended day care...he is at the stage where he is happier with other kids...an articulate story teller and a superb artist ( I don't think  I can draw an elephant and he drew an awesome one... hmm I wonder where he gets that from?).

I had an interesting Yoga Class today...we were expected to keep our eyes closed for the entire class....I succeeded maybe about 20% of the time..it was uncomfortable, it  made me go inwards, embrace the dark and find balance within the chaos...
Here is a sweet sweet song from the 1960's with a totally different notion of  Yin...so quaint and yet so sweet and refreshing...


So, do you have your holiday plans yet...mine involves travel, work and some vacation...I look forward to some quiet times with loved ones, some great food and a time to create memories and welcome the New Year.

Flirting on the Foothills

Covered in a blanket of fog,

As the wind whispers sweet nothings in my ears.

The crisp scent refreshes the senses,

From the stately eucalyptus tree.

A slight shimmer in the air from the raindrops,

The smell of earth envelops the air.

The snow covered peaks resplendent,

Untouched in their beauty...

Am I in love with these foothills...

Or is this a brief interlude, to be replaced again by the random busy life?

My visit to Kalimpong is etched in my mind - so much so that I had written this poem about that visit in 1995. Four days of quietude spent with my parents in beautiful Dak Bunglows ...quiet elegant beautiful buildings from the pre-Independence era with lots of character and sumptuous meals cooked and served by the  attentive messman, trips to the monastery and the vast tea estates, not to forget the flea markets. We never did get to try any of the ghati cuisines which would have exposed me to a multitude of international flavors - Burmese, Bhutanese, Tibetan and Nepali....truth be told even until last week I was a stranger to most of these cuisines...but not anymore. Last week on a relaxed trip away for Thanksgiving I got to try Nepali cuisine twice (in four days).

The food was simplicity ...very close to Oriya /Bengali cuisine yet with difference. The dal was channa dal simply laced with cumin, hing and ghee...there were 2 tarkaris/curry ( one vegetable, one chicken), Mango and Cilantro chutney, Rice and sookhi chapatis...a meal to remember. Do you know what K2 polished off - the Momos...they are very pot-sticker like.
Given K2's intense love for all things pot-stickers and the chilly, foggy weather I have made this quick soup to warm us and ward away the chill...

What you need?

1. 1 package of Annie Chun Pot Sticker's - with shitake mushrooms
2. some fresh veggies - I used shredded  carrots, edamame (soy beans), enoki mushrooms and some campari tomatoes ( go with whatever veggies you like that fits into this recipe : bamboo shoots, bok choy, cabbage, cauliflower, broccoli etc.)
3. Minced Garlic, Chopped Scallion, 2 tsp Rice Wine Vinegar, 1 tsp Soy Sauce, 1 tsp toasted sesame oil
4. Pacific Vegetable Broth
5. Cilantro to Garnish

• Combine the Vegetable Broth, Rice Wine Vinegar, Soy Sauce and Minced Garlic and bring to a gentle simmer
• Add the vegetables and the potstickers
• Simmer gently for about 5-7 minutes. Add the Chopped Scallions and freshly chopped Cilantro

I didn't add any green chilis to the soup as I was sharing it with my little boy. He slurped up his share, it was the second soup after the cheesy tomato soup that I have seen him enjoy so much. This recipe goes out to Vardhini @ Zesty Palette for her event Dish it Out ( featuring tomatoes and soy) and to Kalyani @ Sizzling Tastebuds for the event "Flavors of China" ( Kalyani is guest hosting Nayna's event).

Hope you got a breather with the holidays...do "flirt with the foothills in your life"...you can find them in the most innocuous of places. Life feels like an adventure whether it is one with travelling, the gym, reading, doing homework with my son, food and work...and I am glad I am able to be a part of so many new experiences and drag the 2K's with me...



Recipe to Success

Here is an inspiring email forward from my dad -

Success is not a secret. It is a choice that is made over and over again.

Success is not something that can be denied to you.

It is something that you can always choose to accept.

How do you accept success? You accept success by making the effort instead of making excuses.

You accept success by taking responsibility instead of counting on someone else to do it for you.

You accept success by being truthful with others and, just as importantly, with yourself.

You accept success when things get tough, by being positive and innovative

instead of becoming despondent.

You accept success by being who you are and by contributing what you can,

rather than pretending to be someone else.

Every day you can choose either to accept success or to just let it pass you by.

With each thought, each word, each action, choose to accept success

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I used to read CK Prahalad's writings : we had his book Competing for the Future as a mandatory read, and it is a book that I  occasionally go back to even today...I loved his key insight :  "Billions of consumers await at the "bottom of the pyramid") 

And my dad had the chance to debate with CKP on State and Industry issues...while I was feeling self-important launching (in my mind) cutting edge services...he was running a state....so brings home the point to me :

Success is a state of mind,

Success is a choice made by you,

It doesn't come with dollars, dividends or a title,

It is self-generated....

                                                                                                         ---A Note to Self

On this positive uplifting note and no actual recipes....I hope you have a wonderful Turkey Day...I know I am planning to with the 2K's.

$550 Dimsum...anyone?

Some days are highs, some days forgettable and others unforgettable for all the wrong reasons...my family and friends know I am the "nervous driver"...I am usually 5 miles below speed limit, counting at the stop signs and also being sorta kinda lucky...no tickets or parking violations in 11+ years of driving in California. Yet every time I see a police car -- my heart starts pounding...no I mean it...really pounding -- I check the odometer, get extra-cautious...to the point now that K2 sees a cab and he is like - Mama, I think it is a cop car !!!  OK, so this is my long-winded way of justifying why I hate dislike driving into San Francisco. Anyway it was a strange feeling to go to the Indian Consulate for a visa to enter India...but procedures had to be followed and paperwork filled....once the work was done I had this hankering for Dimsum and given that China Town was but a mile away, I gave in to temptation and drove over to Grant...parked at a parking meter - paid up...noted that it said - street cleaning Monday and Wednesday...totally blanked out on the Towaway - 3.00 PM-7.00 PM....yep! you got it...when I came back with 5 bucks worth of dimsum, my Prius had been towed away :-(..breakdown below...lesson learnt...Priceless !!!

Then began the guilt trip, the frog in the throat and the mental whipping...K1 told me to chill and just go out to a yoga class or something...my yoga teacher (God Bless Him !!!)...was saying to the class - We have a tendency to beat ourselves...push ourselves...blame ourselves. Maybe once in a while we need to practise kindness...kindness to ourselves (ahimsa towards self).
So here is my "sort-of" funny story on the $550 Dimsum that I enjoyed...I would have much rather spent that money  here or here...but you roll with the dice.

Here is the Turkey K1 and K2 made for the Family Turkey Project this evening...my contribution (you guessed it!) is the bling...the glitter. How is your week shaping up?

It's a man's world...

Talking of addictions...apart from the gym and grocery store I have been addicted to the "good ol' telly" and for the past month or so have been watching "Prime Suspect" (1-7) with Helen Mirren. I was hooked...K1 lost interest somewhere around Episode 2 and to be fair to him, the storyline was slow moving, procedural and focused on the struggles of the female protagonist against the misogyny and sexism of her male colleagues during the investigative process. I watched "The Final Act" and as it ended there was a sadness that I won't have any more episodes to look forward to and a resentment at how it all ends for Jane... who was in most circumstances a police officer first and a woman second - leaving us an impression of a woman dependant on alcohol, who was losing her identity (she was retiring from the job that consumed her life)...broken, lonely, lost....and trying to survive. I try to tell myself things have changed and there has been a lot more progress now since the 20 years back that they first conceived the idea of "Prime Suspect"...but then has it really?
 Last week I was reading  an eye-opening report "Stemming the Tide" by professors at University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee - the study focused on women in Engineering (but I would put forward that this would broadly apply to  roles in technology companies/start-ups in the Silicon Valley). They found that just one in four women who had left the field reported doing so to spend more time with family. One third left "because they did not like the workplace climate, their boss or the culture," while almost half departed due to "working conditions, too much travel, lack of advancement or low salary"....Cultural Stereotypes have women branded as "nice and compassionate" and men as "aggressive and competitive" and if a woman exhibited the latter traits - the behavior is considered inappropriate and presumptuous (Note: I didn't say this the Dept. of Sociology at North Western makes this claim).

Reality is I have never really thought about it being a man's world and have always believed that you focus on the tasks at hand and delivering results and then demand expect the appropriate rewards. I have been exposed to situations where my belief system has been shaken and questioned BUT then again I have been in multiple situation where I have discovered that actions do get rewarded...however for the most part I think what is key is the following : a woman needs to balance her personal goals  with her professional goals and prioritize the must- haves for success. I know that I want to get home  to a kindergartner and I choose to cook dinner for him every night vs. do take-outs. Yes, that means more chores (cooking, grocery, clean-up) but it also gives me a peace of mind and satisfaction that I am making healthy choices for my family. It also makes me more efficient at work because I focus on getting the task at hand completed vs. taking coffee breaks, lunch breaks, walk breaks (all of these principles fly out of the window if there are no tasks on hand :-) )

 Balance in my mind is not a resting place. It requires flexibility, adaptability, strategy, intuition, moving quickly and yet keeping still. Perhaps this balancing act is the ultimate art of the feminine, reflective of our daily quest to juggle family, career and self. So yes, I  understand it is a Man's World  but I choose to play work in it on my own terms. There might come a time in my life when I question my decisions and reprioritize but for now...life goes on...