Tentative Parenting :The story of the little yogi and the working mom

K2 broke a flowerpot today at his grandparents place and I asked to speak to him, he quickly said - Hi Mama, can I speak to Aai (my mother). I gave the phone to my mother knowing fully well it was an evasion tactic from getting a "howling" from his mama. A minute later he did own up to his mistake and said something profound "Own up when you mess up"...this is something they are taught at school and is impeccable learning from a work ethics perspective. We strongly believe that credit needs to be given where it is due, so if things go wrong why not apply the same principle and take responsibility. He has made a couple other comments which apply so aptly to life in general and work in particular. I have been learning from this precocious child the hard art of being a yogi. Here are his top 3 sayings not listed in the order of frequency of use :

1. You get what you get, and you don't get upset - Patanjali speaks of Santosha or contentment and it is critical to practice this in our work place too...drive and ambition are all great but it is important to take a moment and take a breather and enjoy where we are (we are there for a reason)
2. Sharing doubles the fun - K2 who seeks to share what he already has, case in point his Beyblades with his sister and his friend D .This simple saying has elements of a yama that Pantanjali spoke of - aparigraha, or nonpossessiveness (wish that applied to his Ma too, he can't stand me holding another child in his presence...yet)...sharing knowledge, information and credit makes team work more than just a buzz word.
3. If it's not your sack, put it back - This final offering speaks to the  yama, asteya, or non-stealing, we refrain from stealing not because we fear getting caught but because we want to engage in right action and preserve our integrity. Learning from my son and life in general I have practiced at work giving credit, praise and recognition for ideas, work and projects...it has held me good stead at the work place and helped me sleep easier at night.

Does this mean K2 is out of the dog house for breaking the pot - not quite. However, this little yogi has taught me the value of remembering that the simple principles in life are the foundation for all things black and white in our value system. I hope I can help him practice, remember and value these strong parenting (yes roles reversed) lessons he has given me. 

Thoda Gupshup...Thoda Chai Vai.

Thoda = A little
Gupshup = social chitchat (not to be confused with the  popular Mobile SMS service in India)
Chai = wonderful Indian beverage...made with strong black tea, laced generously with cardamom and full-fat milk and who can forget sugar ( the cuppa in India is 1/4th the size of the chai in the US, thereby justifying more than just one cup+ the extra sweetness...that's my story and I am sticking to it  ;-) )

It is when I am in India that I realize that I am somewhat socially inept...I lose practice in the US you see...most of my time is spent running after my son, household errands, conference calls, work, gym...not something I am complaining about... things I enjoy doing...but I lose out on taking a breather and sitting down for a cuppa with my friends for inane conversations skimming the superficial (maid, pictures, beauty salon, diet) -- why is it that every time I have a conversation with P or N or even M...we end up with the heavy stuff...one thing I am really enjoying here is my cups of chai with all the small eats. Here is a picture of some of the things that go with my cuppa

You see in the picture Diet Chiwda, Sesame Cookies and an amazing fruit cake from Diamond Bakery. I have  recreated the fruit cake at home  multiple times (I usually substitute the maida used in Indian bakeries with whole wheat and that makes my cake denser...way more interesting though)
Ingredients:
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 cup light butter 
1/2 cup turbinado sugar
1 teaspoon good quality vanilla extract
1/2 cup buttermilk (made from 2 1/2 tsp low fat curd )
1 tsp orange rind
Handful of dried cranberries, blueberries, walnuts.
Method:
Preheat the oven at 400 F/ 200C. Grease a bundt pan or a cake pan and keep aside.
Sieve the wheat flour and baking powder together and keep aside
Cream the butter and sugar  together in a bowl (mix them together until soft)
Add the buttermilk, rind, dried fruits and wheat flour mixture. Mix well.
Pour batter into greased tin.
Bake for 20-25 min at 400 F / 250 C until a tooth pick comes out clean.

Enjoy with a cuppa tea like me....this recipe goes out to Nupur for her event - What's with my cuppa?  and Kid's Delight - Healthy Makeovers hosted by Rasi  (brainchild of Valli )

Things have been quiet here on my end...lots of simple home-cooked meals with the stars being my favorite vegetables. My mother made me Guvar (Cluster Beans), Begun Bhaja ( Eggplant), Red Greens cooked with Pumpkin, Dry fried Cauliflower (my absolute favorite, I could probably finish 2 cauliflower heads on my own)...enough of talking about them and here are the pictures...

How has your chai time been lately

Inside Out...Outside looking In.

I am inside out, outside looking in,

No matter where I go,

I can't escape my skin

I can act cool, I can act proud

No matter where I go, I am still alone in the crowd

Inside Out, On the outside looking in
                                                 --- Tony Emmanuel 

These lyrics resonated to me from a random song that Pandora played for me as I was lost in spreadsheets. Why is it that even when we  are surrounded by people, things, events and conversations....there is mostly a tiny part of us (and sometimes a big part of us) that remains untouched...unaffected...almost like from the outside looking in. Things have been quiet...spending time with my parents. Occasional flare-ups, I guess once you are a certain age, advise is almost like excess baggage, something you strongly prefer not to get. 

What a hypocrite I am though - I grow old for Ma's advise but never too old for her food -- and she made me all the things I don't have a chance to cook for myself back home. Here is a glimpse of some of the things I ate the past few days...

For those of you wondering what these vegetables are : Karela (Bitter Melon), Tondli (Gherkin), the 3rd one I  only know of as  Avvarakai  in Tamil and Simbo in Oriya (Broad Beans). 

The lyrics seem apt especially for my Karela...the inside is out and the outside is in...:)

So how has life been treating you the past few days...have you been watching the sunrise like me in the mornings...

Excess Baggage and Nostalgia on a plate

A 22 hour journey with a hyperactive kid (who unfortunately sounds like me : High Pitched and Loud) with zero sleep seemed less daunting than the luggage that I was carrying on United...fortunately there was someone up higher who took a healthy interest in making my journey smooth and introduced me to A, this young 25 year old who was stuck between a mother unwilling to relinquish her aisle seat and an equally stubborn 6 year old who refused to give up his window...A handled the situation with a lot of grace and charm. He waited at baggage claim for my bags to arrive....any surprises they were one of the last ones to come!

 I reached Pune at 6.45 AM yesterday in the morning ... a hot breakfast of homemade dosa and two kinds of chutney with hot ginger chai.

My memorable meal for the day was a mild yellow Dal, Bhindi and Aloo Gobi (cooked oriya style). Reminded me of the many meals had at home over the years ( different vegetables - guvar, karela, beans etc)...simple but so satisfying.

Another wonderfully satisfying meal where the main stars were dal, cabbage and eggplant...it is so true that what makes you happy eventually are the simple things in life...

Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated. 

20,000 Views and an odd sort of a day...

I had started a blog in 2004 to test out the new trends and see if there was ways to monetize blogging as a part of messaging...our company didn't figure out the monetization part but I got totally hooked to blogging. Yahoo 360 was spectacular...I made hundreds of friends, had 200,000+ views in the first year of blogging...made me arrogant. I stopped blogging in 2007 when Yahoo 360 was shut down (or migrated over to Yahoo Profiles)...I restarted blogging in 2009 mostly to stay in touch with family and friends...yet there is a part of me which wants to be at the center of it all...aka have an happening blog. The truth is that everything is hard work and a labor of love...and  beyond using this blog for expressing myself, I haven't really gone out of my way to do much with it...do I promise this will change, don't think so...however if you stick around as a thank you, I will  post drool-worthy pictures of what I eat in India...yes it is Return of the Native - Part 3...This week has been very odd, especially today where the weather couldn't decide what it wanted to do...be sunny,cloudy or rainy...so it picked something in between. I couldn't resist taking a picture on my Nokia Lumia 900

I found a picture of mine from 2004 (about the time I started my first blog)...and did a quick compare to a picture from two months ago, narcissistic I know... since 2009, I have lost about 15 pounds without dieting, eating consciously...but without depriving myself of the things I like to eat...I think life is a balancing act and the key is finding that balance that works for you.

Today is Dushera in India and growing up in the south, I learnt about  how the woman makes this world function (discovered it first hand at home with Ma..). In Tamil Nadu, it was all about worshipping the Ma's - Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswati...in Calcutta (I lived in Ballygunge) it was about the pandals and pujas and the scrumptious feasts...Happy Dushera to all...and thank you for visiting my blog.

What my 5 year old teaches me about Product Management (and life)....

From my wordpress blog (written on June 12th, 2012):

A good friend who is an excellent architect with years of experience hit anomie (want to read my post on PMs and anomie go here) and  I actively encouraged him to investigate options beyond his comfort zone. He decided to give Product Management a go and I think he loves it with caveats...as I warned him and a number of my other friends -- Being a PM is an extremely rewarding job, yet you need patience and you need the will to last the grind ( something that over the years I seem to be losing)...at the end whatever career you choose, ask yourself the question : is this something both my head and my heart want me to do?

Life has been a good teacher in general but over the past 5 years so has my son. My son reminds me every day of the following things :

(A) Prioritize  : K2 is ruthless about what matters in his life - it is his playtime, his ipad time and then parents time... I have learnt from K2 whether it is a backlog plan or my meal plan at home, it is critical that I get to first things first...one of them is weekly meals for my family...I came up with a grandiose weekly plan, haven't yet gotten around to executing 100% to plan -- hey but it is prioritized.

(B) Communicate : whether it is a "small" question to letting us know he needs to use the bathroom, to he is hungry, sleepy or grumpy...K2 communicates...it is annoying at times but useful most times...I would rather he tell me he has a tummy ache to me second guessing it. Similarly whether it is to Development, Sales, Customers, peers or Management - I believe in appropriate data and information sharing. Every quarter after revenue was posted - I did an all-hands with the development team to walk them through revenues, wins-losses, roadmap snapshots and the next 3 month outlook ...I think these communications helped serve the purpose of Establishing Direction and there was no alienation from the product (remember Karl Marx).

(C) Simplify : Man tends to overcomplicate, overthink life...K2 breaks things down to the basics (classic Maslow) - "When you learn how to say yes to the things you want in your life and no to the things you don't want in your life – your life becomes simpler."

(D) Think Win-Win : As we grew up in India our life was very competitive -- we learnt to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We thought about succeeding in terms of someone else failing–i.e.,  if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life almost became a zero-sum game.-- however, with K2 I see that he is in a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions -- he wants to share, his attitude is "there is plenty for all"

This weekend - I conquered my fear of heights to help K2 conquer his...we watched Madagascar 3...strolled the farmer's market and splurged on the healthy (beans,brocolli, brinjal) and the not-so-healthy (pies and brownies)...we stared at the Golden Gate bridge in awe and explored Sausalito (for the first time)...ready for Monday and the rest of the week. As my Bapa always tells me - sometimes it just about changing the perspective and life falls into place....how has life been treating you?

Happy Birthday to You !

K2 is fast asleep, gently snoring...dreaming of bey-blade fights, Mario Olympics Wii, his Ninjago Lego...after I read him the Dr.Seuss book - Happy Birthday to you! 
How true ring the words :

These six years have been a  medley, a bundle of contradictions...yet something I don't stop and over analyze ..from the first smile to the first tantrum, a trip to the zoo to a trip to ER, a tooth lost, a best friend found to a discipline note and a blue monkey face (all in the same week)...for me K2 there is no one who can be more you-er than you...Happy Birthday to You!