Thursday, May 29, 2014

Tentative Parenting : Dealing with Grief & Uncertainity

K2 : Ma, why does the brain suddenly bleed?
Working Mom : I don't know, sometimes it just happens. 
K2 : Ma, will he be alright?
Working Mom : Let's pray for him tonight? Is that ok?
K2 : Ma, was the ICU scary?
Working Mom : It's late...why don't we save some questions for tomorrow.

I am mentally exhausted ...I never imagined being in the pediatric ICU watching K2's 8 year old friend on life support...harder still was internalizing the grief of the parents and trying to explain the situation to K2. Based on my recent devastating loss here is my meager attempt to get K2 to understand and deal with the situation 

  1. Face Reality and let out the pain - it's OK to talk about feelings and fears. Cry, Grieve, Ask Questions and deal with reality vs. being an ostrich with it's head stuck in the sand
  2. Talk it out - I am glad K2 is asking questions and trying to understand the prognosis for his friend. 
  3. Harbor no regrets - one interesting thing K2 asked about his friend falling sick was - whose fault was it? And my answer was - sometimes K2 it isn't anyone's fault it just is
  4. Shift the focus away from sadness - it is so easy to fall into a rut...get miserable and wallow in that misery...however it is important to snap out of it
  5. There is no one way or right way - I dealt with my grief through work and exercise and my life lesson that I offer to K2 is that - that well might not work for him. He will have to find what helps him counteract that feeling of hopelessness and helplessness
  6. Most importantly remembering that grieving/dealing with uncertainty  is a personal process that has no time limit. 
  7. Pray and prayer are the vitamins of the soul
I am praying really hard ....

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