Daffodils and New Beginnings

My son grew a Daffodil from scratch...I remember the day he got home an ugly pot with nothing in it and insisted on keeping it in front of the house, he would run out every day and check his plant...see the end product...

I read Wordsworth's poem to K2  today and we are left with a  vision of  the pretty daffodils defiantly dancing in the cold and the rain:

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,

Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:

Ten thousand saw I at a glance,

Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced; but they
Out-did the sparkling waves in glee:
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:

I gazed--and gazed--but little thought

What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,

And dances with the daffodils. 

Dinner was a healthy salad with Farro (Cooked) with veggies sauteed in EVOO and tonnes of garlic....use whatever veggies you like : I used Broccoli, Mushrooms, Brussel Sprouts, Zucchini...it was light and yet quite filling. I topped it with sun-dried tomatoes and shaved pecorino. I think the key is I used seasonal vegetable from my farmer's market. One little step we can take towards sustainability and good health is eating local and eating seasonally...

This dish goes out to Recipe Junction where Indrani is hosting a Spotlight on Winter Vegetables

Done anything good for your health this week?

Airing my dirty laundry and a bowl of pasta

There are a few constants in my not so predictable life every week : I can count on having to prepare dinner, clean the house at least twice a week, do homework with my son most days, grocery shopping, K2's bath and how can I forget the 3 LOADS of laundry that I wash, fold and keep away week after week after week...this along with a 50+hours work week for most women...one wonders how a woman is expected to juggle multiple balls in the air and not come undone.I feel a deep sense of envy as I see the perfectly dressed mothers with not a hair out of place come in drop their kids off at school,  fly a kiss good bye and then calmly walk to their shiny washed cars while I rush in flustered --- is the homework in the backpack (check), snack (check), lunch box (check), kid (thank god!check)...we have avoided getting tardy slips in the first 100 days of school but I am wondering how the next 100 days shape up...there are days when I want to throw my hands up in the air and give up...
Brings more credibility to an interesting talk I heard by Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook - some stats she shared:

• Only 15% of the C-Level Executives are women ( numbers haven't moved since 2002 and are trending the wrong direction)
• Out of the married executives polled 2/3rd of the men executives had children and only 1/3rd of the women executives had children

But she didn't stop at the statistics, she gave working women 3 things to think about:

1. Sit at the table : women systematically underestimate their own abilities, is it surprising that even today a woman with the same experience as her male counterpart makes 15%+ less ( hard statistics my friends!). Success and likability is positively correlated for men vs. women (meaning the more successful a woman, the less they are liked).
2. Make your partner a real partner : If a woman and a man work full time and have a child, the woman does twice the amount of house work the man does and the woman does three times the child care ( don't know where Sheryl gets her stats from but I think they are spot on...)
3. Don't leave before you leave : don't lean back and take your feet off the gas pedal...

I do believe there has been progress in terms of women crossing the traditional boundaries and moving in different positive directions yet I also think that despite all this progress there has been undue stress on the woman in general...having to keep both the home front and work front running smoothly....and more importantly feel like they are not shortchanging one for the other.

Anyhow getting off the serious horse....I wanted to share this yummy pasta I make for my son for all you busy moms :

I buy the whole wheat Ravioli from Butoni ( boil as per instructions)

I make the sauce from scratch - 4 large cloves of garlic, 4 Campari Tomatoes, 2 Carrots, 2 Zucchini, Chicken/Vegetable Stock .

• Saute the garlic in EVOO
• Add tomatoes, roughly cut carrots and zucchini ( I use whatever vegetables I have on hand - beans, cauliflower, broccoli,beans)
• Add stock as per thickness desired
• Pressure cook for 1-2 whistles
• Blend, Add salt towards the end...I usually don't need it
• Freeze or Use

Take the sauce in the pasta bowl. Add some shredded mozzarella cheese. Heat in the oven or microwave. Add the cooked ravioli....start to finish, I can have this meal on the table in 20 minutes (I usually make enough sauce to last me three meals - so yes I freeze the sauce).

K2 helped me prepare this pasta and he did try to help me fold some of the laundry...so here's to raising a boy who will be an equal partner in every sense...;-)

Full Heart...Empty Mind

It's been 5 days since I got back from India...things have been busy and more than a little hectic. Two not-too-subtle reminders from Bapa to "blog"...and my repartee - but I call you every day, my head is empty...let's just talk... Yesterday, K2 woke up again at 4.00 AM - I made Oatmeal, packed our lunch boxes and cooked dinner ( what does one do with so much empty time :-) ) and went to a Yoga class. 
The days in India were complex and yet so simple - every day a routine yet the time spent with family filling the heart with emotions that I will cherish. K2 blossomed in the love of the two sets of grand parents absolutely taking to India like fish to water...no sickness, affectionate, voracious for learning and Indian food -- his absolute favorite - Desi Chinese - golden fried shrimp and american chopsuey. 

I had mentally prepared myself to eat to my heart's content and be ok with gaining a couple pounds along the way -- however, even though I ate to my heart's content ( and it was a lot of food)...my walking almost 150 kms with my father in 20 days, 8 Yoga Classes and 2 Aerobics classes seems to have helped me lose weight...who would have thought that !!! My most memorable food experiences for this trip had to be most of my mother's meals (especially the begun bhaja and the badi chura), the kathi roll from Faaso's, the dhoklas from Kaka Halwai and the Hurda (thanks V for turning me on to them).
Coming back has been difficult - the weather has been nothing short of temperamental this week what with the sunny days followed by incessant cold and the thunderstorms...a child who has been waking up at 2.00AM, then 3.00 AM...then 4.00 AM...then 5.00 AM, today was the first day he slept in...read as I got to sleep in...I didn't have the energy to cook the first couple days so we survived on take-out, trader joe's frozen section and pasta pomodaro. When I did start cooking what a meal we made (it was a joint effort you  see, today while I was away to Yoga, K1 and K2 marinated the salmon and cut the cauliflower)...

If you are curious it is - Tandoori Salmon, Roasted Cauliflower and a California Red Quinoa Salad (courtesy whole foods). My resolution for this week is to Eat Down the Freezer. No good time to start practicing it than now...we have a lot of hidden goodies in our freezer from Wontons and Potstickers to Seekh Kababs to different kinds of breads (including GreenLees Cinnamon Bread), frozen vegetables to Aidells mini-sausages (spicy and mild)...so I am sure this will be an easy win for us this week.
I have been in an introspective mood for the past some months...too much thinking yet since I came back from India - the blur of activities, the time spent with family and jet lag has really emptied my mind...in a good sort of way. Brings to mind a very pertinent passage by J.Krishnamurthy in his book the "Book of Life"
There is no path to truth, it must come to you. Truth can come to you only when your mind and heart are simple, clear, and there is love in your heart; not if your heart is filled with the things of the mind. When there is love in your heart, you do not talk about organizing for brotherhood; you do not talk about belief, you do not talk about division or the powers that create division, you need not seek reconciliation. Then you are a simply a human being without a label, without a country. This means that you must strip yourself of all those things and allow truth to come into being; and it can come only when the mind is empty, when the mind ceases to create. Then it will come without your invitation. Then it will come as swiftly as the wind and unbeknown. It comes obscurely, not when you are watching, wanting. It is there as sudden as sunlight, as pure as the night; but to receive it, the heart must be full and the mind empty.”
Things are quiet on the home front...I have in front of me an interesting novel - Chankya's Chant and in my hand a cup of Tulsi Chai (organic india) sweetened with honey...a softly snoring K2 on my side and K1 in the gym...how is your weekend shaping up?

Another Year...Tratak

No resolutions made...no resolutions broken --- what a wonderful concept!
Time spent with family, quiet walks, yoga classes, home cooked meals...K1 and K2 mostly in the heart of the city while I skirt the peripheries...the Kothrud....Kondhwa phenomenon. Yesterday in the yoga class, the teacher talked about Tratak - a form of meditation to enhance concentration by a steady gaze at a light source (in this case a candle). I felt the urge to move, blink and even itch (the imaginary mosquito buzzing near my cheek)...but I resisted the urge...I felt a strange sense of peace at the end of the 10 minutes.

There is a sense of contentment at seeing the papaya tree in the garden, heavy with fruits...why is it more satisfying to see the fruits on the tree vs. plucking and consuming them I wonder...

A morning walk can be mundane....but not one taken in the campus...I watch in wonder all the beautiful feathered creatures who call this campus their home...an impulsive picture taken will be a memory of walks with Bapa in the morning..

Medical Store visits more the necessity now than an exception but the tame sheep adding the much needed comic relief as he almost chewed off Bapa's t-shirt....

When the boys (K1 and K2) made the trek from Kothrud to Kodhwa, here are the  chai time treats that I picked up for them ( the ladi pav was for the pav bhaji dinner)

This  year, I choose to feel gratitude for all the things small and big that have been bestowed on me...live experiences one at a time...this year I choose to - Be Present.

Return of the Native...

How I long for a hot shower to ease this throbbing headache and this lingering need to be somewhere familiar...when did India become this place that  doesn't feel like home anymore. There is a sharp need to be back in my routine which is comforting, mechanical and detached. Is it that I have just moved beyond the need to revisit the past and live in the present or is it that India brings back a "bag of memories" I would rather not revisit -- chauvinism, a false sense of progress and a fatalistic approach to life.
Maybe it is the lack of sleep - 18 hours in 7 days...or the realization that some things will never change : however much you move forward in your life (career, money, other parameters...) I have searched for approval from a few close people...approval that I never got...approval that I convinced myself I didn't need...and the resentment of not having the approval gets to me every time.
Sorry - I guess most people treat Facebook and Blogs as a way to discuss how wonderful and perfect their life's are, how wonderfully they have aged and how much their career has progressed and to be honest I was one of those people - I transformed myself through sheer will power from this weird plump little child to a woman I liked (most of the time). I was am a little hesitant to talk about fears and inadequacies but the truth is I am human and I like it this way -
I am strong, I am also weak ; I am a mother, but I am also a woman; I do get lost, but I try and find myself in time; the deep vortex of despair capture me sometimes (more in the past year)...but I am a Phoenix...I believe that out of the ashes of despair will rise a brand new person.
I wish I could call my visit this time to India a vacation, wear a happy face and do the normal things I do - meet people, eat the foods I love, just absorb the atmosphere...yet there is this lingering cloud on my head. Why you ask...I don't want to be a parrot so read it here ...what would you do if you were me?
For now the native has returned....there is a year to say good bye to and a year to welcome...
How apt is this saying -
We can travel a long way and do many things, but our deepest happiness is not born from accumulating new experiences or things. it is born from letting go of what is unnecessary, and knowing ourselves...

Buddha : 24* 7 , Shempa and a good cry...

What are the odds of discussing Buddha, Buddhism and the eight-fold path with two devout Buddhists within 24 hours of reading the book - " Buddha : 9 to 5" - not too many...but it happened to me. I was going to tell you about this book anyways because not only do I believe it helps me "learn and grow" in the work place but it also helps me be "mindfully aware" at home...try to avoid...Shempa...BUT also because it is practical and you should read it if you are so inclined.

Deep...you say...me says focus on the word very practical....
Dimwit...I don't do Shempa...you say...me says...let me explain further
When we experience Shempa, we generally will tighten around a thought or concept and eventually we are hooked to that idea. We are stuck. The attachment paralyses us from seeing issues in any context that is different from our own view of the situation at hand. We are unable to act from a perspective that is open to the creativity of a new approach. As we continue to push the envelope and fixate on the outcome, we are actually building momentum towards attachment....
Sounds familiar...come on admit it...Living life brings with it either an innate learning or wisdom...this wisdom manifests itself in business in level-headness and reasonable decisiveness. It also manifests itself in intangibles like warmth, humor, compassion, humility and graceful strength...we release our fixation on ego and focus outward on understanding people (be it at work or home) and through that understanding where we can create and add value ( for the organization and on the home front). "T" the insightful one said in our conversation yesterday - we are very fixated on a need...we don't know what that need is...we think it is title, money, car, clothes, other material things...we try to fill that need -- yet there is an awareness that there is a gaping hole...something that craves more...maybe we are wiser for recognizing this emptiness and not trying to fill it with the material but reaching for a deeper understanding beyond maybe for something spiritual...

I know that was the exact sentiment I had as I picked up this book from the business section in our public library...I don't think I am even half way there in this journey ...yet as I like to say a journey begins with but one step...for me I think this  journey roadmap would read as follows in both my personal and professional life:

• Right View : the ability to view the situation for what it is...it is what is truthful and right. With K2, I know that I do fixate and make the issues bigger then they have to be and with mindful awareness, I am working towards taking a more level headed approach.
• Right Intention : over the years I have realized that there is a desire in me to love what I do, have a positive impact (whether it is on my family or my work) and have a purpose. Once in a while that sense of purpose might seem a little foggy but it always comes back...

After developing that wisdom, it is about building our ethics system...in most of us it is something we have built over the years with our understanding of what is right and what is wrong? but like every framework even ours could use tweaks...right?

• Right Speech  and Right Action: there is an interesting concept LEAP which is about listening, exploring authentic listening with genuine interest, questions and empathy, appreciate the other person's point of view and present one's own view point. I will provide you a glimpse into a typical day - K2's extended day care had a "talk" with me on K2's arguing every point with the care givers...I tried to sit down with K2 and understand the incident from his view point ( in from of the caregivers L & C), I asked questions, I did get an appreciation on K2's view point BUT with empathy was also gentle strength...an explanation that he needed to respect his elders and I presented my view...the view presented resulted in lots of tears and a I don't like Mama...but I was glad to go through all the steps with K2. The next day K2 understood exactly why he had lost some privileges and tried hard to work on his version of LEAP. We should pay attention to our actions and clearly understand their consequences
• Right Livelihood : Simple from my perspective...do what you love doing and something that your gut/heart tells you is right...and it is probably the right one...K1 keeps steering K2 to say he wants to be a doctor...and I keep steering K2 to follow his heart and his heart tells him to be a dinosaur hunter today...maybe 16 years later he might want to be the doctor his father wants him to be...but whatever he picks..it should not be because of pressure but because it is something he really wants to do..
• Right Effort : I think the book five dysfunctions of a team covers this well - make an effort not to avoid conflict for right, don't avoid accountability,and make an effort to develop and deliver...

All this leads to mindful awareness of self, family, situations both personal and professional -- I am really excited with some of these concepts...they are very applicable to our lives...
I am sure you are fixated on the "good cry" part --- ok so here is what happened. I had a huge stock of red onions in my pantry and beautiful campari tomatoes from my local farmers market -- being the frugal person that I am rather than see all my beautiful produce disintegrate...I sat in the evening yesterday and chopped 14 red onions ( not one not two...) and an obscene number of tomatoes, green seranno chillies, 2 garlic bulbs, huge finger of ginger...and made a huge batch of  indian masala base laced generously with turmeric and roasted cumin powder....this I packed and put in the freezer and will probably last me over at least a dozen rounds of Rajma, Chole, Aloo Dum and other wet subzis....the red onions made me cry for over an hour...my swollen eyes got me weird looks...
So how has life been treating you on the path to Nirvana....

Y(in) the Dark....

It is so easy to lose one's "Yin" in the constant struggle to meet deadlines, work schedules, travel schedules and personal to-do lists...girl stuff like buying clothes, girl's nights out, make up, movies, gym, grown up dinners and spa days ain't happening...it is a vicious cycle and once it starts, it is easy to make excuses and let things go...you know you have really let things go when  you suddenly notice that your clothes are two sizes too big (yep! for a change losing it not packing it on)...in theory seems like a good thing but in practice...ain't a good place to be in...so there was a point when I told myself enough already and set myself two ground rules (a) have fun (b) explore "me" time.I have really stretched and grown in this area  in the past three months - No Judgement, Only Action...
Zumba is something new and strange for me - I keep rejecting it and then approaching it tentatively again (all in a period of half a year)...it has helped me loosen up...learning to have fun with music and movements.Pink has become the new black in my wardrobe - shopping more consciously for clothes that are an opposite of what I normally pick...mixing things up. And most importantly, I have gone back to the roots with my cooking and food-- it is comfort (with a healthy twist). My "new" bread maker bakes me breads....filling the house with the yeasty warm smells you associate with a bakery...I get feedback from K2 on the taste of the bread ( the important part) and from K1 on the shape and the thickness of the bread (not so important part). I just baked this fresh loaf  with 100% Organic Sprouted Whole Wheat (Arrowhead Mills), Mango Lassi (don't ask me -- creativity sometimes flows), Honey, 2 Handfuls of Raisins and one handful of walnuts

 K1 and I make breakfast together on weekends : Waffles and Pancakes with whole grain mixes, organic eggs cooked whichever way seems right for that day...here is a peek at K2's breakfast last weekend - a homemade waffle sandwich filled with sliced bananas and smothered in Nutella  and an omelet

I treat myself every night to a decadent tasting dessert ( the famous "me" time) : Oikos 0% Non-Fat Greek Yogurt with a tablespoon of local honey...and maybe the Yin Side will not be sidelined or stay in the dark any more...
This week has been a blur of activity - birthday parties, shopping, followed by a quick trip to the city to pick up passport...car servicing...K2 is loving the transition from nanny to extended day care...he is at the stage where he is happier with other kids...an articulate story teller and a superb artist ( I don't think  I can draw an elephant and he drew an awesome one... hmm I wonder where he gets that from?).

I had an interesting Yoga Class today...we were expected to keep our eyes closed for the entire class....I succeeded maybe about 20% of the time..it was uncomfortable, it  made me go inwards, embrace the dark and find balance within the chaos...
Here is a sweet sweet song from the 1960's with a totally different notion of  Yin...so quaint and yet so sweet and refreshing...


So, do you have your holiday plans yet...mine involves travel, work and some vacation...I look forward to some quiet times with loved ones, some great food and a time to create memories and welcome the New Year.