Leading as a Woman

Source : 2014 Leading Women. Research study: Closing the Leadership Gender Gap

I heard an insightful presentation from my manager (who is a woman and the first woman that I have worked for in about 18 years in the tech field & an awesome one at that!) and it had me thinking about Women as leaders especially in the tech industry. Here are some perturbing statistics :

• 4.6% of the Fortune 1000 CEOs are women 
• Women earn 30% lesser on an average than a man for the same job ( it applies to executives too)
• In a study of 25,000 Harvard Business School graduates designed to understand why the gender gap in leadership is so persistent, the one factor that stood out was mismatched expectations between men and women about who was going to be responsible for the home front. Even among the Millennials, men were much more likely to say that they expected to be in a traditional relationship, where their career was primary (don't let me get on a soapbox on this topic, you will beg for mercy I promise you :-) )

The reality from my perspective is re-thinking Leadership as it exists in all it's glory today. Leadership at work is usually seen as a "zero-sum game" - which doesn't have to be the case. You don't always have to put work first in order to rise to the top. It is alright to be "dual centric" -- you sometimes prioritize personal life over work and sometimes prioritize work over personal life.  Reality is there is no such thing as work-life balance, at least for me and then I have to choose - some weeks priorities at work take precedence - an Ops Review, a customer summit or a deliverable with  a deadline AND other weeks my 8 yr old's SAT's (State Administered Tests) or Diorama projects become all consuming...it is just letting go and being alright with just tackling what is a priority then.
  
My advice to women (and men alike) is lessons I have learnt sometimes by observing but mostly by living and working in the Silicon Valley :

# Be Authentic - I don't believe specific traits define a leader, in fact I will go ahead and make the statement - your leadership emerges from your life story. Your life story provides the context for your experiences and through it you can find the inspiration to make an impact. Discovering your leadership requires a certain degree of commitment to develop/discover yourself. 
# Be Aware of your blind spots - Every single person has blind spots aka weak points. Being self-aware and brutally honest with yourself is key here. You are in denial if you don't see yourself as other's see you. And this perception gap is something you have to fix if you want to see yourself grow as a leader.
# Competency - I had watched a Ted Talk by Susan Colantuono - Closing the Leadership Gender Gap (the missing 33%). 

In seeking to identify Leadership traits, according to her (and I agree) there are 3 pillars.One of the key pillars is skills and competencies with running the business - strategic value, execution and financial acumen. It has to do with aligning your own or your group goals with the vision and mission of your organization and helping achieve the goals of the organization. That is the missing 33% of the career success equation for women - it doesn't mean that women are not capable enough or mathematically inclined or strategic. It just means that most of the career advice we are given is conventional and built around soft skills like networking, personal brand, self awareness (guilty as charged but I believe its critical), assertiveness, confidence, empathy and people skills. The reality is  the advice that is usually missed is equally critical (if not more critical) - Competency. I define it as the ability to have

•  the strategic ability to have a vision of what is required for your market (that will get you the revenue and market share)
• Executing to that vision 
• Looping back on how your group's  accomplishments are helping the organization realize it's vision and mission. 

I do believe at the end of the day your work and reputation does speak for itself.

I want to leave you with this quote by John Quincy Adams

If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader.

Tentative Parenting : Changing Courses

K2 is very set in his way and is very unhappy if he has to change course midway even if he knows his previous plan is either (a) not yielding the results he was expecting (b) failing miserably. He gets this stubborn look on his face and keeps going at it (wonder who he gets it from ;-))

Over the years I have learnt to change course with the resources I have on hand, whether it's at work, in life and with my cooking. What I am trying to teach him is the following:

# It ain't easy - I am not saying it's easy and maybe you start of making the changes with baby steps and that's ok
# It's never too late to change course
# Look at your resource and time constraints and make a realistic change decision
# Always have a good idea of where you are trying to get (final product or destination)
# Enjoy the journey

Today for example I was planning  for a dinner party and had every intention of making chicken meatballs from scratch, with quinoa pasta and a homemade pasta sauce (with cauliflower, carrots and tomatoes). A brief phone conversation with N changed the course for me and I made instead smooth, creamy, spicy and satisfying Haleem. I know a lot of folks think Haleem is a labor of love - well not in my kitchen.Here's the dibs and I promise you it's a no-fail recipe

Serves: 8 servings

ACTIVE TIME: 10 minutes

TOTAL TIME: 50 minutes

INGREDIENTS

• 2 tablespoons Vegetable Oil
• 1/2 Finger chopped Ginger
• 1 packet Shaan's Haleem Masala
• 750 gms (1.5 lbs) of Organic Ground Chicken 
• Soaked Pulses and Grains - I used 1/4 cup of Toor Dal, Urad Dal, Chana Dal, Barley and Wheat Bran (soaked 2 hrs+)
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro
• 1 Lemon

PREPARATION

 Heat oil in large pressure cooker over medium heat. Add  ginger and the ground chicken and the Haleem Masala sauté for 5 minutes. Now add the soaked pulses & grains and sauté for another 5 minutes. Add Chicken Broth or Water, I added water (about 8 cups) and pressure cook for 10+ whistles on medium

Add chopped Cilantro and  then use an immersion blender to blend to a paste. I added the lemon juice last and checked the seasoning.

 A delicious and spicy Haleem is ready (without any unhealthy implications -- I used lean meat and used no ghee, just organic safflower oil)

Nutritional Insights : Calories per Serving - 220, Carbs - 17 g, Fat - 10 g, Protein - 17 g, Sodium - 400 mg, Fiber - 8 g

Tentative Parenting : You are what you eat!

I love the weekends - the time to slow down a tad bit, get over the week's madness and regroup - walks with  the 2K's and catch up on my DVRed  TV shows (what's up with The Good Wife, Scandal and Grimm -- why so many twists and turns), cook a little bit -- I absolutely adore Sundays - I make breakfast  for the boys and me and enjoy it with a cup of Chai (hot chocolate for K2)  (here's what we had today - Waffle Omelette with a slice of multi-grain toast) and then head out to the Farmer's Market.

K2 and I have been watching a documentary Fed Up the past week and it's been very educating for us - it showed K2 that calories in fruit are not the same as those in soda  --it included  touching video self-portraits by some young people who belong to the almost 17 percent of children and adolescents, 2 to 19, who are considered obese. K2 learnt that - at this rate, in twenty years, 95 % of the population will be obese, a crisis that affects every aspect of our country's stability from health care spending to national defense. What struck me was :  40 percent of thin people are also fat, their internal organs padded with enough damaging blubber that they may as well be clinically obese. Behold, our new national paranoia: TOFI or Thin Outside, Fat Inside.

Reality is this applies to us working moms, executives, product managers and managers too - it isn't about grabbing a quick bite to satisfy the hunger - we are athletes at work - confronting challenging mental tasks and dealing with stress -- our brain and bodies need the right nutrition and hydration. I don't just believe it - I live it -- it definitely is not easy but once it is a habit, you usually are more mindful and aware of what you put into your body. Every weekend , I do an inventory of my refrigerator  (after shopping in the Farmer's Market) and come up with a loose meal plan. Here's a view of what's in my fridge 

( Flat of Organic ) Strawberries, 2 lbs of Organic Super Greens, Milk, Coconut Water, Organic Apple Sauce, Blue Moon (gotta have the beer right K1), Lotus Elixirs, Coconut Yogurt, Noosa, Home made Wheat Bran/Vanilla Cake, Grated Beets, Cooked Lentils, Eggs, Bread, Cashew Butter, Ravioli (stuffed with shrimp & asparagus); Produce Section : Beet Tops ( I add them to my lentils), Beets, Carrots, Eggplant, Brussel Sprouts, Fresh Corn, Tomatoes, Lemon, Mandarins, Pears, Blood Orange, Raspberries, Apples; Condiments, Wines (got to have my Prosecco!) 

 What's in your Fridge?

Here are some of things I do to take care of our family's health -

# Hydrate Hydrate Hydrate - I begin the day with 1/2 a liter of water followed by a warm cup of water with Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV). 

# Dish out the healthy Fats - a handful of almonds and walnuts for snacking is a GREAT idea. Omega-3 fatty acids--found in salmon, walnuts, and flaxseed are the perfect brain and heart food.

# Think Anti Oxidants - berries, green tea, kombucha, apples, black beans,greens should be a constant in your diet

# Add natural caffeine to your diet - preferably in the afternoon when you need a pick me up - Green Tea, Runa Tea or Pink Lotus Elixirs are my libations of choice

#Cut out Fatty Foods - Chips, Fries and fried desserts may taste good for just a second and harm you in the long run. Science bears this out. According to a Cambridge University study, after five days on a high-fat diet, the treadmill performance of lab rats declined by half. Moreover, the rats eating fatty chow began to falter on a maze test they had been trained on--finding only five treats before making a mistake. The healthier rats were able to find six or more treats. 

# Sugar = Bad  - A recent UCLA study found that a diet high in fructose slows the brain, hampering memory and learning. 

I want to leave you with a thought -

Waiting for Godot

I had the strangest conversation with someone I was mentoring last month. Here is how it went -
Friend: So, I have been in this role for 4 years and I am bored - there has been no promotion, interesting stretches in the job or monetary uplift
Working Mom : So what did you do about it?
Friend (surprised look) : Whaaaat? I am waiting for my manager to offer me the position of  Lead ?
Working Mom : Have you had a conversation with him letting him know of your interest?
Friend : Well I am working so hard , my work should speak for itself
Working Mom : So the reality is ...managers are not mind readers. You need to have a candid conversation with them around your career aspirations and interests. If  (a) the conversation does not yield a milestone map with them on your progress (b) status quo....it is your cue to stretch yourself and explore other opportunities. Yes it's hard and in situations inconceivable given the comfort level and security in your current job but the decision is yours to make.

How many times have you followed your dream....said damn the consequences this is what I want to do and I bloody well will do it come hell or high water? 

I was watching Shark Tank yesterday and one of things the Shark Robert Herjavec said was - the worst thing you can do is nothing. It resonated with me because ...It is very easy for  a person to get into a state of “Anomie”…a mindless state of just being …reminds me of a play I had read ages back in a literature class. The play was titled “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett. It was about two sad men – Estragon and Vladimir and it follows two days in their lives while they wait expectantly and unsuccessfully for someone named Godot to arrive. They claim him as an acquaintance but in fact hardly know him, admitting that they would not recognize him were they to see him. To occupy themselves, they eat, sleep, converse, argue, sing, play games, exercise, swap hats, and contemplate suicide — yet they are afraid to even take that final step of suicide…what if the belt or the rope broke…they were plain afraid…still waiting for Godot. It was a simple play which our English teacher had us enact and dissect and yet what remained twenty five years later were memories of those two sad men…waiting, afraid and in limbo…

Action is better than inaction any day...you have to try, fail, learn and do it over in order to grow. By failing you are setting yourself up to savor the successes that come by small or big. The best advise I have ever received was from my father who is no longer with me - He definitely lived it...he transformed himself from a child who lived in an orphanage all through middle school and high school to a full scholarship student (oh!so hard) to passing the IAS Exams at age 22 and he ended up the Head of a State.

He said Get out there and do something, Take Action. Don't take action because your neighbor did it ....but take it because there is this fire in your belly (I read that as Passion) that is forcing you to take action. You have one life -- Live it -- GET OUT THERE & DO SOMETHING

Healthy Recipes : "Pain Be Gone" Chocolate Cake

Cooking and Exercise are my panacea to all kinds of stress and unhappiness -- I found out that one of my first cousins is no more this week and it filled me with an intense sadness - he and I had been very close when we were in school -- he understood my penchant for books and melancholy better than most and we spoke about his dreams and aspirations to become a doctor who changed the world. We drifted apart growing up and I haven't seen him in over two decades - yet the pain felt when I heard that he had a heart attack was intense....he was only 42. I sat in the parking lot of the gym for 20 minutes contemplating going in and dancing away the pain...the body wasn't up to it. So I went back home and I grabbed my blender and whipped up a chocolate cake to ward away the cobwebs of melancholy and pain. 

                                                                                                                     

Serves: 12 servings

ACTIVE TIME: 5 minutes

TOTAL TIME: 35 minutes

INGREDIENTS

• 1/2 Cup Whole Wheat Pastry Flour
• 1/2 Cup Wheat Bran
• 1 Banana
• 1/2 cup chopped nuts (walnuts, almonds)
• 3 tbspoon Chia Seeds
• 2 Egg Whites
• 1/2 Cup Kefir 
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 Cup of Sugar (I used Stevia)
• 2 tsp Vanilla Extract
• 1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder (unsweetened)
• Pinch of Salt to Taste

PREPARATION
Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.  I stick all the ingredients in my Food Processor and blend to cake consistency. Pour into a round well greased cake pan. Bake 30-35 minutes till  toothpick inserted comes out clean.
Nutritional Insights : Calories per Serving - 120, Carbs - 10 g, Fat - 5 g, Protein - 8 g, Fiber - 6 g 

The secret to my moist cake is the Kefir which is a close cousin to our Lassi/Buttermilk but embodied with healthy good for you probiotics. This cake is high in fiber, has healthy omega fats (from the Chia Seeds and Walnuts) and zero butter/vegetable oil. 

Healthy Recipes : Coconut & Chickpeas Ishtew

Things were lazy and relaxed over the weekend. We had a wonderful trip to the Santa Cruz Natural Museum. I have been cooking a lot more at home the past month and have been experimenting with a lot of easy recipes. Sunday saw me heading out to the Farmer's Market where I picked up  the week's organic produce : 2 heads of cauliflower, sweet potatoes, cabbage, pink beets (so pretty!), mandarins, colored carrots. I have been obsessed with making a cauliflower and chickpeas curry, so looked at multiple sites before I settled on a merger of sorts between an Eating Well and Epicurious Recipe (what can I say - my recipe is one of it's kind)

                                                                                                                      Photo Credit : Epicurious

Serves: 4 servings

ACTIVE TIME: 10 minutes

TOTAL TIME: 15 minutes

INGREDIENTS

• 1 tablespoons Vegetable Oil
• 1/2 cup chopped onions
• 1 cup chopped Tomatoes
• Finely chopped finger of ginger and 5-6 cloves of garlic
• 4 teaspoons curry powder - I used Shaan's Chana Masala Powder
• 4 cups largish  Organic cauliflower florets
• 1 15 Oz can Organic  cooked garbanzo beans, drained & well washed
• 1/2 cup of frozen green peas
• 2-4 tablespoons Organic Coconut Milk (Whole Foods Brand)
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

PREPARATION

 Heat oil in large pressure cooker over medium heat. Add  onions, garlic and ginger and sauté until golden brown. Now add the tomatoes and sauté till it's all mushy . Add cauliflower and garbanzo beans;  stir 1 minute. Add the Shaan Chana Masala  and  stir till it all melds together. Pressure Cook for 1 whistle and turn the heat off. When you can open the pressure cooker, turn your range to low and add in the frozen peas and the coconut milk. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir in cilantro. Enjoy with a helping of cooked Quinoa.

Nutritional Insights : Calories per Serving - 200, Carbs - 26 g, Fat - 10 g, Protein - 10 g, Sodium - 200 mg, Fiber - 10 g

Tentative Parenting : 7 Habits for Healthy Living

All my life, I had eaten like there was no tomorrow - not thinking of consequences, just focused on the taste, textures and the feelings that eating brought me. Food was my refuge as a shy, overweight teenager and it was always with me even when I felt lonely and lost.I never did have a AHA! moment about healthy eating and yes! I still obsess about food, the inner critic is especially loud about my unseemly bulges and yet I have managed to bring some amount of balance into my life - I have managed to maintain a healthy weight without dieting and have developed a healthy appreciation for whole foods & exercise

My weight loss journey hasn't been a very dramatic one. It has been a slow, gradual progress of adding foods that fit into our life style easily. It was about tweaking my exercise regimen from being focused solely on Yoga for 10 years to gradually progressing to Zumba - 5 times a week for the past 2 years and now I am attempting to add in some resistance training too. 

My son  on the other hand has been exposed to real foods from Day 1 of his existence - homemade Quinoa and Sweet Potato Porridge, Khichari made with seasonal organic vegetables, Kale, Kefir, Chia Seeds....in fact this 8 year old kid averages 25,000 Steps on his Fitbit -- motivating me to stretch beyond my meagre 10K to the 15K range. The words of advice that I offer to my son are the following ( though on second thoughts I should be the one taking the advise from him)  - 

#1 Sleep will not solve all of your problems, but not sleeping will create new ones
#2 Playing Sports will keep you happy and healthy. Keep Moving!
#3 Working Out signals to others that you are hard-working, focused and disciplined. Don't overdo it though -- you don't want to come across as swaggering, narcissistic and self-absorbed
#4 Nature Rocks - make nature a part of your fitness routine - be it long walks or hikes. Your mind, body & spirit will thank you for it one day
#5 Food is fuel - think about what you are putting into your body. If you eat crap you will feel like crap...if you eat well you will feel GREAT
#6 Strong = Self Sufficient - When you get stronger you don't have to ask me to open bottles for you - you will be opening bottles for me...ain't that an uplifting thought
#7 Endorphins help you cope - Remember your Ma and how she was sad two years back and every time she felt like crying -- you said Ma - go to your Zumba class you will feel better! At 6 years you were wise beyond words K2 -- now I offer you the same advice for life. When you are angry or sad- go run around the block, go for a walk and just breath, or go shoot the ball in the hoop for an hour...I guarantee it you will feel better.

And today for dinner just because I was obsessing over it - I have made K2 Dark Chocolate Dessert Waffles ( I couldn't make him waffles for Breakfast in the AM today)

You Need

• Kodiak Whole Wheat, Oat and Honey Waffle Mix (  Whole Grains and minimal processing)
• Dreams Blend  (Unsweetened - I use this instead of water)
• Navitas Raw Chocolate Powder  
• Homemade Rasberry Coulis
• Stevia to taste
• Fresh Raspberries (on the side)
• Organic Whipped Cream  (on the side)

Process

•  Blend all the items on Pulse in your blender ( I use my Blendtec)
•  In the meantime heat up your Waffle Griddle
• Start making your Waffles – serve with fresh fruit and whipped cream
• Serve for an extra decadent, guiltless dessert - my son asked for seconds and thirds and I had no issues giving it to him

Photo & Recipe Credit - Ellie Krieger

At the end of the day Food for the body is not quite enough, you need food for the soul to sustain yourself.