Saturday, December 1, 2012

Gustakh Dil...

32 walks with Bapa, 11 Yoga classes, 6 meals eaten out but the 70+ simple exhaustive spread of my favorite foods at home overshadowing the meals eaten out, 6 amazing acupressure massages, 15 auto rickshaw rides...the flare-ups, the love and the lack of a schedule or timeline (unlike life as I know it)...made this trip almost dream-like. We still did the Kondhwa/Kothrud thing like last year but I was more comfortable with the separation from K2 this time around...
I tried to be chirpy and upbeat the day we left...yet there was a physical pain roundabout where the heart exists...K2 was quiet and K1 was his usual self - nothing really seems to faze him out (except in some cases yours truly) . Still can't justify the 2+ calls I make to Ma and Bapa every day, not much to say but it is re-assuring to hear their voices. The song playing in my head and my computer right now is from a movie I love (LOVE!)...Gustakh Dil. I watched this movie twice, once with K1 and K2 and the second time with K2 and Ma.

The words ring so true  :
This stubborn heart,
Creates so many problems,

My heart is in problems,

This stubborn heart,
a little hard on itself,
a little timid..

Why is it stuck on the door of pain,

Why does it punish itself in new ways

Why does it laugh when all it wants to do is cry

Why doesn't it understand what's right and what's wrong..

The breaths are cold as snow, and there is smoke in the eyes,

why does my heart play a gamble with sorrow and joy

it's full of hopes,
But it's afraid of itself..
why is it tangled in convoluted threads..
it doesn't pay heed to its own suggestions..

It almost seems like this city is as depressed to have me back as I am depressed to be back...the incessant rains a testament to the fact

Saturday has been quiet - breakfast at home followed by a 90 minute Yoga Class and a 35 mile drive to get to Ahadu Restaurant for Ethiopian food...just time spent with the 2 K's. How has your weekend been?

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