Hello 2014

Salut

   اسلا عليكم

Ciao

你好 

Sawubona

今日は 

Hallo

ନମସ୍ତେ

नमस्कार

Never have I waited with so much of anticipation for one year to end and another one to begin...2013 SUCKED BIG TIME ! there is just no reasoning or rationale for losing a loved one and trying to make peace with it....I haven't yet, maybe in time I will but for right now I am still in the denial phase.

Ironically before 2013, I have never set resolutions for myself and have been able to have spectacular success with life milestones :

1. Not being a pack rat - maintaining a reasonably minimalist life style
2. Zero Debt - hard to conceive, even harder to implement - done & done
3. Maintain a healthy lifestyle
4. Make Family a priority

The 2013 resolution I set for myself last January - Live Life in the Present, Live Life Unafraid -- I failed at rather spectacularly - I have spent the past 9 months exactly not doing that - grieving over things in the past ( my father's death), afraid of disease (cancer and such things) and lamenting the if-only's (if only I had booked my tickets a week early in March...)...so I want to try that resolution one more time this year...especially inspired as I hear this beautiful beautiful song - Clouds by Zach Sobiech -

Well I fell down, down, down

Into this dark and lonely hole

There was no one there to care about me anymore

And I needed a way to climb and grab a hold of the edge

You were sitting there holding a rope

And we'll go up, up, up

But I'll fly a little higher

We'll go up in the clouds because the view is a little nicer

Up here my dear 

It won't be long now, it won't be long now

January 1st, 2014 is the first blank page of a 365-page book. I will make sure that the story I write is not a  borrowed idea, expected outcomes or history lessons. It will be  about new learnings, living, pushing myself, changing myself and shaping my own destiny unafraid of the path I am charting for myself.

Seven Learnings from Jury Duty

"When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty."

I didn't expect my first jury summon to end up in me getting selected to be a juror...yet that was the case. It did put a lot of the other stuff on hand in the back burner...initially I was a little cranky -- thinking about all the things that needed to get done : customer visit, ops meeting,  To-Do List,  gym classes missed. However, I soon got into the spirit of "By the People For the People"...and by the end of it I was glad I was a part of the process (from the 12 Angry Men which is all men...to 8 men and 4 women in our Jury, where one of the woman became the Foreperson (yes I am talking about me) does seem like some progress).The gist of the case - a civil case over a car accident that happened some years ago, with the plaintiff claiming medical, pain & suffering.
The jury was an interesting mix of people from a yoga teacher, to a customer specialist, a really involved research scientist, a ditzy woman (no I am not talking about myself...and really sometimes I wonder if she was in the same room as me), a public company CTO, a guy who wore designer nail polish (yup I said guy!) among others...as I met these people that I was going to be spending almost a week with...I had a flashback to a movie that was a requisite for one of my courses in Non-Verbal Communications and Group Dynamics - 12 Angry Men. The movie was on to something - I was really struck by how the lessons I learnt as a part of this Jury will hold me good stead at work

1. Long gone are the days of my way or the highway...it's obvious that to reach closure with the decision and for everyone to feel a part of the process it will require a society with a cooperative value system rather than mechanisms and systems dominated by individualistic efforts. If I had my way the decision would have been very different and absolute. I didn't believe that the Plaintiff's case had a leg to stand on and would have awarded "zero" pain and suffering. Yet, as a part of a group where 3 individuals believed that the teenager deserved pain and suffering compensation, the decision was different, though not very radical for the defendant...
2. “being willing to stand alone” is uncomfortable but it is ok to be uncomfortable if the decision comes from your strong beliefs and the reality is even though I am mocking the ditzy woman -- the strength of her conviction that the teenager had suffered was unbendable and unshakeable...having that kind of conviction in the face of dissent is absolutely admirable (however frustrating...and seriously was she in the same room as me???)
3. There was a sincere dialogue towards a solution.  In my experience, respectful listening and sincere consideration tends to influence others in the group in a similar manner. So important to consider in work life where we tend to run roughshod on people. 
4. Constructively integrating opposing views can contribute to developing effective coalitions - what struck me the most was our decision was an integration of the group's view...our views were too radically opposed for us to reach a consensus but I think we reached a decision that all 12 jurors agreed with
5. Just listening - sometimes we think when we talk we sound so smart and say amazing things...but  just shutting up and listening really works. I am learning to shut up and make it about you not me...easier said than done!
6. We really did avoid the pitfalls of Group Think..."putting unanimous agreement ahead of reasoned problem solving”
7. Embracing Diversity and valuing it gave us a greater capacity to adapt, discuss and agree...reaching the desired state i.e., the decision.

If you haven't watched " 12 Angry Men" and have 92 minutes to spare...I urge you to do so -

If you don't...you read my blog post ;-)
I would like to leave you with a quote from the movie - " I don't believe I have to be loyal to one side or the other. I'm simply asking questions."

I am enough...

“Shame works like the zoom lens on a camera. When we are feeling shame, the camera is zoomed in tight and all we see is our flawed selves, alone and struggling"     

                                 -- Brene Brown - "The Gifts of Imperfection"

The truth of the matter is I cannot be perfect, maintain a perfectly clean house, check off To-Do List both work wise and in my personal life, maintain an equanimous self and be a perfectly loving wife, daughter/daughter-in-law, mother and employee. There are days (who am I kidding, happens most days!) when I am not put together...there are things I forget to do, bills I forget to pay, a son I forget to hug...K1 rolls up his eyes and says - you going into work like that!...so I am in  my super-casual capris and I forgot to dust on some makeup ...I feel a little inadequate and insecure. The reality is I (and if you ask yourself you too...) tend to brush these insecurities under the rug, wear a pretend face of Optimism and Happiness (tell me you don't do it?) and tend to conquer my fears in all the wrong ways ( by pretending that I am all right!)...I keep striving for that elusive Perfectionism while I sacrifice my peace of mind, happiness and sense of well being. Universe does give us "Wake-Up" calls and we are just as quick to hit the snooze button and go back to our way of living ( it is a known entity however distasteful). So, this book "The Gifts of Imperfection" was my aha! moment ( I have been having a lot of those since March)...

I have been priding myself on "Self-Sufficiency"...but the reality is I was (am) needy...needy of approval and praises from my family, people around me  -- telling me what an awesome job I was doing at work, at home, with K2, with life in general, how I have "arrived" (yeah right!). What I learnt was Self-Sufficiency is not quantifiable, its a mental place, a context we generate, a declaration, a knowing that there is enough, and that we are enough.” And the truth was I was not there yet. I can be there...awareness is that first step towards accepting myself with all my perceived flaws and claimed strengths. With that thought in mind I accept that -  I am Worthy now, not if, not when, I am worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”  Because at the end of the day as Maslow so beautifully put it in his hierarchy of needs -- we need to be loved and belong...and if we can't love ourselves we will never believe that anyone else can and without that...we will always have a "closed heart" and strive for that unachievable goal.

This week has been  a good one - work wise and on the home front. I have cooked some and one of the new things I tried was a Chana Kheema ( a spicy Chicken Mince and Chick Peas Curry) which turned out AMAZING...so much for being the mad scientist in the kitchen.

Plans for the weekend include R&R and a hike. How is your weekend playing out?

The Happiness Diet

I was glancing through my kindle yesterday and I was struck by the number of diet books I had on it (28)...some of them

• The Dukan Diet : Protein is good for you
• The 5:2 Diet : Feast 5 day Fast 2 days
• Engine 2 Diet : Stay away from Animal Product - includes eggs, cheese, meat etc.
• The Sugar Detox Diet : No sugar diet (Waaaaaaaaa!)
• Dare to Detoxify : 21 days of major torture

If you are wondering, I haven't really done anything on these diets beyond feeling virtuous that I had them on my Kindle. There was one book that had a Food Title and yet was a great read - Better than Chocolate : 50 Proven Ways to Feel Happier.

I think we Human Beings have an uncanny knack for complicating our lives, trying to fill that empty void with material things, going through the motion, losing faith and hope...comparing, envying and sometimes just wallowing in unhappiness. The reality is Happiness is not elusive, it is not a mystery and it is definitely not something reserved for the special few. It is just a "hop, skip and jump away". You have to choose happiness.

To say I loved the book was an understatement...I need all the props I can get...I keep going back to Diwali in India last year with the 2K's , Bapa and Ma. Bapa was so happy - we lit the diyas with Ma, he took me to a shop and got me a kurti, Ma made us some amazing cutlets and every time those memories rush into my brain, there is a physical pain in my heart...a pain that I won't see Bapa ever again (yes I understand he lives on in my memories, but it is not the same as sharing jokes, fears, talking on the phone everyday - no judgements - only support and love). I miss that and there are days when I feel alone and sad and that feeling of emptiness and void fills my being. And on those days books like this help. Read the book if you want to know all the 50 proven happiness inducers, out here I will talk about the 7 that have made a huge impact on my life -

1. Make a Happiness List : I have never written down one formally but there are a lot of things that bring a spring to my step and maybe that is  the topic of my next blog
2. Exercise : This week has been hard work wise and I almost didn't make it to my Zumba Class...I walked in 3 minutes late and dancing to a beat I didn't always get but which made me sweat like crazy definitely made me happy
3. Self Acceptance : You are made a certain way for a reason...accept it and love it. I always worry about my weight, my odd sense of humor but lately I am more accepting of my perceived flaws and indulge in accepting myself in a positive way.
4. Minimize your desires : I have been reading the Bhagvad Gita and it says Desire leads to Attachment and when Desires are thwarted it leads to frustration and unhappiness. Why not just want and need less...happiness will be automatically ours
5. Practice Gratitude : Every night before I go to sleep I list to myself three things that I am Grateful for...and I usually go to sleep feeling Happy.
   
6. Change Your breathing - since I discovered that Breathing can get me to control my temper, I have practised intentional breathing (pranayama)
7. Act Happy - I am not saying Fake it But I am saying if you smile even though you don't feel like it...in a couple minutes you will see your mood is elevated...people are smiling at you, the clouds part on a rainbow, that growling dog suddenly starts wagging it's tail....you get the picture.

I am so glad it's Friday today...this week was intense and the weeknights were crammed with activities we couldn't avoid...like Trick or Treating yesterday with the little ones...but I did look forward to Friday Evening because I got a chance to roll up my sleeves and create some kitchen magic. 

I made Rice Kheer - get my fool proof recipe here and I made Rava Ladoo for the 2K's. The recipe I used was from this video  (warning - this  recipe is in Marathi). Have a  wonderful Diwali!

Notes from an Immigrant's Kitchen

My home is in my new country,

The culture, people and language still unknown,

Missing the familiarity of the Old,

Yet there is a growing sense of belonging,

As I build a brand new set of memories

It was hard to land in a foreign land with two bags containing all your belonging  (a sum total of your existence for  two dozen odd years)...I carried two baggy business suits (stitched by my Bapa's tailor) and a number of new clothes, stuff I wasn't comfortable wearing but deemed appropriate for the new lands. Tucked into my suitcase was a bottle of homemade mango pickle, a kilo of Moong Dal and a packet of home-made masala. I lived for the first 6 months in DC with two bachelors (my brother and his roommate - Kevin Babu). My first introduction to their kitchen was an empty fridge with just an expired milk carton, a Chinese takeout box (growing suspicious stuff) and a bottle of expired mustard. The cupboards had a half-finished carton of pringles and some generic brand of instant coffee. I spent my jet-lag in a haze of Jerry Springer, stale pringles and black coffee. 

From eating Dal, Subzi, Chawal on most days to maybe a grilled cheese sandwich (made the indian way) or on a really inventive day Desi Chinese to moving to an Amrikan city (Washington DC ) which lived and breathed diversity. I remember wearing a salwar kameez to George Washington University the first day I went in for an Orientation meeting and I don't remember feeling awkward, stared at or conscious. My first meal at school was a chicken hotdog at the  stand by the library...it was a revelation of flavors - the spice of the mustard, the bite of the onion and the crunch of the Hot Dog...all enveloped by a warm bun. I explored Mexican, Lebanese, Thai, Chinese, Vietnamese, American, Italian, Ethiopian, Turkish and many other cuisines all in that period of twenty months in college and from each one of those cuisines I took a little something that I stored somewhere in the far recesses of my mind. 

The reality is this country embraced me with a fervor that I reciprocated...I have morphed into a sum total of my experiences...both Indian and Amrikan. My food reflects this wonderful amalgamation...my past Indian heritage (albeit confused between South-Indian and Oriya and exposed to Maharashtrian), my healthy inclinations (chia seeds, Farro, Barley, Kale, Dark Chocolate...need I go on) and my present cultural dispositions (which is nothing short of schizophrenic...at least my son has simple tastes that run to Pizza, Pasta and Chicken Tikka Masala...I would probably need 200 pages just to jot down my food cravings and likes). I would be totally lying if I say I crave Dalma and Ghanto everyday yet there are days where I would want nothing better than to sit down to a hot bowl of moong dal and the familiarity of a Baingan Bharta..as the chill hits the air and I sit in my pink socks (did I tell you I hate hate socks with a passion, but gave in to wearing them to avoid chilled feet, now I wish someone made nose socks :( )...I made myself a bowl of Moong Dal with Lauki (get the recipe here) and Baingan Bharta with a healthy twist-  I put about a 1/2 pound of Edamame in my Baingan Bharta (Egg Plant Mash).

The reality is everyone (or almost everyone I know) loves talking about Food. Food evokes familiar memories...for me it takes me back to the uncomplicated times in India with Bapa...and for a moment I feel just a tad bit closer to him.

What are your weekend plans? I plan to do some Yoga at home with K2 tomorrow...and then look forward to Chai and a English Muffin smeared with almond butter and marmalade.

Seven things I won't regret doing as a mother

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ---Richard Bach 

For me to not blog almost a month feels weird. The last couple weeks have had their highs and lows and I won't say I have been so crazy busy that I couldn't blog. However when I was 20, a very wise person once gave me a book with a note in it (I still have the book A)...the note read - If it doesn't come naturally leave it...so that's what I did I left it. 
Last week, I was reading an article on Huffington Post  "20 things I won't regret doing with my kids" and it inspired me to come up with my own list. I am not as verbose as Rachel and I love the number 7, so here goes -

1. Saying "No" when it's easier to say "Yes" - K1 is a softie, K2 can wrangle just about anything from him - new pokeman cards, lego toys, more ipad time...K1 just hates playing hardball with K2 and is putty in his hands. The result is I always sound like the "NaySayer"....you hear me saying No! more than Yes! ( and K2 is persistent - he will ask me the same thing 20 times and still get a No)
2. Teaching him to respect people and  and express gratitude - K2 will not learn how to say his "please" or "thank you" if I don't show him how. I try to teach him through example...a small thing we do is thank the school road crossing guard every time she helps us cross the road (we look Annie in the eye and say Thank You Annie!). He sees me stop the car in grocery stores and let people cross the road vs. act impatient...of course there are some times when he sees me irately cussing some senseless driver (but that is a rare occurrence and I never claimed I was a saint ;-) )...but more importantly he sees me showing people respect, courtesy and gratitude.
3. Letting him cook with me - This one is hard. It started off when he was 2 and half years old, where he sat on my kitchen counter and watched me cook his food. I questioned my sanity  a number of times especially when he broke one of the eggs on my pristine floor and I spent the next 15 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning and sanitizing. However, I do believe that in the next  2-3 years I will teach him to make himself a snack, maybe even breakfast...I am teaching him a life skill, one that will hold him good in years to come.
   
4. Singing him the same bedtime song for the past 6 years - sleep krishu sleep, mama loves you sleep, daddy loves you sleep, bapa loves you sleep, aai loves you sleep, baba loves you sleep, jinx loves you sleep....its not rocket science, the need in us to be loved is over-riding and to know that we are loved brings forth an onslaught of serotonin...which lulls us to sleep and builds our sense of self-worth, self-esteem, confidence.
5. Teaching him Yoga and Bollywood Dancing - the subliminal message I am giving him is moving is fun, moving is good for you. So we belt out Shakira or Chamak Chalo (what you have issues with my selection...talk to the hand!) and do uncoordinated dancing or drop down to a dog or simply try to chill in butterfly. He sees me go to the gym consistently for Yoga and Zumba and the lesson he is learning is - Exercise and Movement is good for you.
   
6. Saying I am sorry - I am a little short on my patience and somedays I am more of a "bitch" there I said it than other days. I know somedays I just lose it when I should have held it together and K2 is thoroughly confused with my outburst...and for those days I am not embarrassed to just hold him close and say - I am really sorry K2. I had a really hard day and I am sorry that I took it out on you. He doesn't let ego come in the way and most days just gives me a hug and says its OK.  And he is learning an important lesson - sometimes you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. 
7. Letting him become a big boy - he has an opinion on everything nowadays - color of his clothes, the type of shoes he wants to wear, the types of foods he wants to eat, the games he wants to play, ....and sometimes that rush of fear as I watch him evolve and grow is overwhelming...the important thing for me to remember is he is his own person and there are decisions I need to let him make (hard lesson for me especially because till the ripe age of 20 I was told what to wear, eat and do with my life...but you live and learn and sometimes you learn to do something that is radically different from how your parents raised you). 
   

A lot of these learnings have been bittersweet and it is a journey for me as much as it is a journey for him. At the end of the day I do believe that our kids don't remember what we taught them but they remember what we were...
How is your weekend treating you? K1 is off to an Inner Engineering course while K2 and I will go  out catch a movie  and grab a bite to eat.

The Innocence of Childhood

Innocence of childhood lost,

To the passage of time...

What happened to those days of 

climbing trees

Trusting blindly, laughing constantly &

hopscotch

As the years race by,

I wish that my child would not wish

to be all grown up

Ironically all I wish for is to be a child again

What I wouldnt give to go back to my childhood...I will be the first one to admit that it was  not  uncomplicated...yet the food memories that fill my childhood were incredible and I could probably write a fat book full of recipes and memories made with Bapa, Ma, Munu and the Food from my childhood. Bread Roll was one of our tea time favorites...and now it one of K2's favorite foods...he calls it  Bunny Rabbit Ears...

 Bread Rolls aka Bunny Rabbit Ears

Ingredients

4 Slices of Whole Wheat Bread
1 Large Boiled Potato (crushed)
½ Cup of Frozen Peas
½ Cup of Grated Carrots
1 Shallot (finely chopped)
A handful of fresh chopped Cilantro if you have it
Oil to Pan Fry
Masala: Dry Roasted Cumin and Coriander Powder, Amchur Powder, Turmeric Powder

Method

Soak the Bread Slices in Water, Squeeze out all the water and keep the bread slices on a napkin sheet

For the filling – Take 1 spoon of Vegetable oil in a cooking pan. Add the Shallot (or onion) and then the turmeric and cumin and coriander powder. Add the boiled potatoes, peas and carrots, Cook the mixture till the carrots are done (about 3-5 minutes). Add Salt to taste and Amchur for a tangy bit. Cool the filling

Now take one slice of bread. Add the filling to the center. Roll the slice of bread. Roll it and with your hands seal press all sides (see the finished bread roll for a better idea).

Pan Fry in a shallow frying pan with vegetable oil. Serve hot with ketchup and love.

I am sending out this recipe to - Nupur's - What's with my Cuppa? and Savi -Ruchi's - Only Sandwiches, Burgers and Panini's and Gayatri's Cook Spot - Mom's Special