Seven things I won't regret doing as a mother

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls a butterfly." ---Richard Bach 

For me to not blog almost a month feels weird. The last couple weeks have had their highs and lows and I won't say I have been so crazy busy that I couldn't blog. However when I was 20, a very wise person once gave me a book with a note in it (I still have the book A)...the note read - If it doesn't come naturally leave it...so that's what I did I left it. 
Last week, I was reading an article on Huffington Post  "20 things I won't regret doing with my kids" and it inspired me to come up with my own list. I am not as verbose as Rachel and I love the number 7, so here goes -

1. Saying "No" when it's easier to say "Yes" - K1 is a softie, K2 can wrangle just about anything from him - new pokeman cards, lego toys, more ipad time...K1 just hates playing hardball with K2 and is putty in his hands. The result is I always sound like the "NaySayer"....you hear me saying No! more than Yes! ( and K2 is persistent - he will ask me the same thing 20 times and still get a No)
2. Teaching him to respect people and  and express gratitude - K2 will not learn how to say his "please" or "thank you" if I don't show him how. I try to teach him through example...a small thing we do is thank the school road crossing guard every time she helps us cross the road (we look Annie in the eye and say Thank You Annie!). He sees me stop the car in grocery stores and let people cross the road vs. act impatient...of course there are some times when he sees me irately cussing some senseless driver (but that is a rare occurrence and I never claimed I was a saint ;-) )...but more importantly he sees me showing people respect, courtesy and gratitude.
3. Letting him cook with me - This one is hard. It started off when he was 2 and half years old, where he sat on my kitchen counter and watched me cook his food. I questioned my sanity  a number of times especially when he broke one of the eggs on my pristine floor and I spent the next 15 minutes on my hands and knees cleaning and sanitizing. However, I do believe that in the next  2-3 years I will teach him to make himself a snack, maybe even breakfast...I am teaching him a life skill, one that will hold him good in years to come.
   
4. Singing him the same bedtime song for the past 6 years - sleep krishu sleep, mama loves you sleep, daddy loves you sleep, bapa loves you sleep, aai loves you sleep, baba loves you sleep, jinx loves you sleep....its not rocket science, the need in us to be loved is over-riding and to know that we are loved brings forth an onslaught of serotonin...which lulls us to sleep and builds our sense of self-worth, self-esteem, confidence.
5. Teaching him Yoga and Bollywood Dancing - the subliminal message I am giving him is moving is fun, moving is good for you. So we belt out Shakira or Chamak Chalo (what you have issues with my selection...talk to the hand!) and do uncoordinated dancing or drop down to a dog or simply try to chill in butterfly. He sees me go to the gym consistently for Yoga and Zumba and the lesson he is learning is - Exercise and Movement is good for you.
   
6. Saying I am sorry - I am a little short on my patience and somedays I am more of a "bitch" there I said it than other days. I know somedays I just lose it when I should have held it together and K2 is thoroughly confused with my outburst...and for those days I am not embarrassed to just hold him close and say - I am really sorry K2. I had a really hard day and I am sorry that I took it out on you. He doesn't let ego come in the way and most days just gives me a hug and says its OK.  And he is learning an important lesson - sometimes you make a mistake, acknowledge it and move on. 
7. Letting him become a big boy - he has an opinion on everything nowadays - color of his clothes, the type of shoes he wants to wear, the types of foods he wants to eat, the games he wants to play, ....and sometimes that rush of fear as I watch him evolve and grow is overwhelming...the important thing for me to remember is he is his own person and there are decisions I need to let him make (hard lesson for me especially because till the ripe age of 20 I was told what to wear, eat and do with my life...but you live and learn and sometimes you learn to do something that is radically different from how your parents raised you). 
   

A lot of these learnings have been bittersweet and it is a journey for me as much as it is a journey for him. At the end of the day I do believe that our kids don't remember what we taught them but they remember what we were...
How is your weekend treating you? K1 is off to an Inner Engineering course while K2 and I will go  out catch a movie  and grab a bite to eat.

The Innocence of Childhood

Innocence of childhood lost,

To the passage of time...

What happened to those days of 

climbing trees

Trusting blindly, laughing constantly &

hopscotch

As the years race by,

I wish that my child would not wish

to be all grown up

Ironically all I wish for is to be a child again

What I wouldnt give to go back to my childhood...I will be the first one to admit that it was  not  uncomplicated...yet the food memories that fill my childhood were incredible and I could probably write a fat book full of recipes and memories made with Bapa, Ma, Munu and the Food from my childhood. Bread Roll was one of our tea time favorites...and now it one of K2's favorite foods...he calls it  Bunny Rabbit Ears...

 Bread Rolls aka Bunny Rabbit Ears

Ingredients

4 Slices of Whole Wheat Bread
1 Large Boiled Potato (crushed)
½ Cup of Frozen Peas
½ Cup of Grated Carrots
1 Shallot (finely chopped)
A handful of fresh chopped Cilantro if you have it
Oil to Pan Fry
Masala: Dry Roasted Cumin and Coriander Powder, Amchur Powder, Turmeric Powder

Method

Soak the Bread Slices in Water, Squeeze out all the water and keep the bread slices on a napkin sheet

For the filling – Take 1 spoon of Vegetable oil in a cooking pan. Add the Shallot (or onion) and then the turmeric and cumin and coriander powder. Add the boiled potatoes, peas and carrots, Cook the mixture till the carrots are done (about 3-5 minutes). Add Salt to taste and Amchur for a tangy bit. Cool the filling

Now take one slice of bread. Add the filling to the center. Roll the slice of bread. Roll it and with your hands seal press all sides (see the finished bread roll for a better idea).

Pan Fry in a shallow frying pan with vegetable oil. Serve hot with ketchup and love.

I am sending out this recipe to - Nupur's - What's with my Cuppa? and Savi -Ruchi's - Only Sandwiches, Burgers and Panini's and Gayatri's Cook Spot - Mom's Special

Seven Habits of Well-Liked People

I can say that I don't care about what people think of me...the truth is you can catch me on that BS pretty quick...I DO care and I do look for affirmation, recognition and respect both consciously and sub-consciously  - it is hard to graduate on that Maslow's Need Hierarchy...Life has a way of making everyone of these rungs matter...and you keep sliding down and then crawling up...as the situation warrants. However, to be liked is an intrinsic need and over time I have realized that likeable people have a few common characteristics :

1. They are approachable and genuine - they don't really have too many airs around them and most people are able to connect with them on an equal playing field...it's not like they are sitting/standing on a pedestal and you get a crick in the neck trying to look up to them vs. at them
2. They are interested in you -  they are interested in you, even concerned...it's not about I did blah! blah! blah!...it's a two-way conversation where they engage you, draw you out and care about what you are all about
3. They have a sense of humor -  they laugh with you NOT at you. I *absolutely* love people who find humor in the strangest/serious situations especially like Chandler did in Friends.
4. They embrace the power of touch -  this is a strange observation coming from me...I really value my (and the other person's personal space) however I also believe that a simple touch can convey empathy, understanding and care. Touch breaks down natural barriers and decreases the real and perceived distance between you and the other person--a key component in liking and in being liked. But with that said, there is a fine line between propriety and impropriety please  tread carefully
5. They are empathetic - you  feel like they get you and understand where you are coming from or what your point of view is without being too opinionated and judgemental 
6. They ask for nothing in return - likeable people focus on what they can do for you--not for themselves...hard in todays networking world where there is a constant give and take but reverse that equation consciously and see how you can focus on the "give" more vs. making a conversation / relationship /interaction focus on quid pro quo
7. They know it is hard - people usually shuffle through the superficial greetings because they feel safe vs. Accepting that being a little more deferential, a little more genuine, a little more complimentary and a little more vulnerable means putting yourself out there. Sometimes putting yourself out there poses a huge risk but even if you crash and burn with that situation/interaction you "like" yourself a bit more for taking on the risk...still a score in my book.

Why am I going all serious on this topic ? Well I had K2 ask me very seriously today - Ma, X is being mean to me and I am being mean back...is there anything I can do to make him like me? I pretty much had a similar talk with him which gave me the fodder for this blog post.

Today marks 12 years to 9-11 which was devastating for the nation and 6 months to my losing Bapa which was devastating for me. I did place my grief aside intentionally and focus on Ganesh Chaturthi...the birthday of my favorite God - Ganesha.

Tomorrow is a day from hell with early morning calls for both K1 and me and there was almost a "rock, paper, scissor" for who would drop K2 in school tomorrow. In case you are wondering - I am it!  How has the week been treating you?

Let's Eat Toast...

I got an email this week which pretty much read like this -

"Thank you for sharing your blog.  I wanted to let you know that I enjoyed reading this post and a few others on your blog as time permitted over the weekend.  I actually printed out your seven steps to a healthy you as they seem very sensible and within reach – no crazy diets or strange supplements – just common sense things that seem fairly easy to incorporate."

To say that it made my day is an understatement... I started this blog as a stress buster initially, the reason I put so much of my heart and soul into it is because it was (and still is) my way of reaching my Bapa...my blog brought him relief (from hospital treatments,  chemo & boredom), pride (too much of it in his daughter's ability)  and happiness (because the topics close to my heart were close to his too K2, Food and Work)...and he always always egged me to go on and do what I loved which is write...

The past couple days have been busy and I have been overworking (intentionally)...I believe we set our own pace and I set very hard deadlines for myself this week...I worked extra hard in the Zumba classes and by Thursday I was ready to collapse from exhaustion...I was seeing doubles of the spreadsheet I was working on...when K2 walked up to me and asked me - Ma, what is for dinner? My first reaction was to snap, the second reaction was to order chinese...I was bone tired and willing to cut corners...yup! exhaustion and irritability makes good sense fly out of the window. However, I dragged myself  away from Castle...this fabulous new find on TV, it was 7.40 PM. As we walked to the Kitchen I racked my head on what I could put on the table in 15 minutes which was healthy, balanced and  nutritious (tall order I know!)...out came my handy cutting board...one minute later  I had chopped one apple, one peach and added both to the Blendtec with one packet of Amazing Greens, 72% Guittard Dark Chocolate, 8 Almonds, 2 Oz Baby Kale (EarthBound Deep Greens), 4 Oz Dreams Hazel Nut Blend and I had this smoothie ready in 37 seconds which K1 consumed in literally 3 minutes ( 240 calories with < 15 g of sugar (all from the fruits), 8 gms of fiber and 8 grams of protein). I toasted bread  and spread an amazing new find on top of it - Melt (butter alternative with coconut oil and flaxseed oil) on it. I also made a grown up version of my childhood favorite (Anda Bhurji or scrambled eggs) with Red Onions, Broccoli and Shitake Mushrooms)...I was done by 8.05 PM...dinner and cleaning was done and complete in 25 minutes straight...

Lesson of the day : learn to make do...and enjoy the making do....then even that will feel super-special. So did you eat your toast today?

Seven Steps to a Healthy You!

With Age comes the realization that we are mere mortals with our bevy of problems, aches & pains, allergies, likes & dislikes. Yet one thing that stays a constant companion is Good Health...there are some simple, easy steps that we can take to maintain our health :

1. Drink Water throughout the day and cut out soda : I always forget to drink water till I get thirsty but cutting out soda has become second nature. They have free soda at the office but you never see me reaching out for anything other than a hot cup of herbal tea or water
2. Stock up on healthy portable snacks : Fruits, Seaweed (try Annie Chun's Grab and Go), Kits Organic Bars, I microwave peanuts and put them in snack bags, string cheese, almonds, dried cranberries and raisins, Belvita Cookies and if I want to indulge...Snackwell Yogurt Pretzels
3. Plan Healthy Meals : I have a rough idea of what we will be eating most of the week -- some of this meal planning includes ordering fresh home-cooked foods. I stock my freezer with Organics like Sukhi's street wraps, EVOL Burritos, Amy's Readymade Indian for my son. My fridge has ready made adai batter (indian crepes), greek yogurt, fresh organic eggs (chicken and duck), Clam Shells of triple washed salads - mostly Organic Girl, easy to cut and eat raw fruits and vegetables (tomatoes, cucumbers, berries, apples, oranges, bananas) and of course sometimes  the brownies and tarts (from Whole Foods)
4. Pack Lunch : My  family carries lunch to office/school...whether it is a sandwich, paratha or pasta, our preference is to carry a balanced meal from home or order a packed lunch beforehand  rather than go pick some food from the cafeteria.
5. Fit Exercise into your lifestyle : Exercise is not an afterthought anymore in my life...I go to the gym at least 4-5 times a week for Zumba and Yoga. We go for walks or hikes as a family...we don't make excuses...we look for workarounds so that both K1 and I can go to the gym and yet take care of the daily routines. K2 is in swim camps and sports camps all summer and I see him becoming so strong and athletic.
6. Feed the Mind : I am a junkie for all books self-improvement and tend to read quite a few books in that genre. Coursera and the Bhagvad Gita are constant resources in my life that I draw on from every day of my life. And of course I do throw in the more than occasional chick lit.
7. Sleep Enough : As I give this advice I flinch...I have only just started sleeping again. The last few months sleep has been elusive...I have started developing a routine...and I have my sleep hour to 11.30 PM and sleep at least 7 hours. My goal is to sleep by 10.30 PM and get 8 hours of shut eye. I tend to work after 9.00 PM and sometimes time just passes me by too quickly.

Most important when you slip - Cut yourself some slack! However, make sure you get back on the bandwagon otherwise life will pass you by.

Yesterday my brother brought over his Blendtec and I made a quick smoothie for breakfast this morning. Presenting to you the Enlightened Greens :

• 2 Green Fuji Apples ( they were from my friend P's garden)
• 3/4 Box (5 Oz Clamshell) - Organic Girl - Five Happiness
• 3 Oz Blueberries
• 6 Oz Greek Yogurt
• Honey (use stevia if you don't want the extra calories)
• 2 Tbsp Chia Seeds
• Water (depending on how thick you want your smoothie)

Use the Smoothie button and in less than a minute you have a delicious breakfast on hand. Here's me drinking to your health! And to all  my fellow Indians back home -- Vande Mataram!

Losing my Father...

"I was my Daddy's girl,

I know he loved me the best

The time we had... 

Wasn't nearly enough

And yet we did -

pack in an entire

Lifetime of love...and memories.

No regrets or grief...

Only love for the man you are,

And the man you will remain in my heart."

                                              circa Nov 12th, 2012

It was almost the end of November. Her heart was heavy...she had spent 30 blissful days with Bapa and the time to go back  to the US was fast arriving - on this particular walk he told her - Ma, I think I have only 3-6 months left. She changed the topic...that her indestructible father was but a mortal was not something she wanted to face yet...though the reality of it loomed ominously over her head. Suddenly as if to lighten the atmosphere heavy with unshed tears, flew a bright green parrot squawking noisily at the father-daughter duo. Their conversation moved on to lighter things...Oriya fathers and daughters love talking about food (or at least this father and daughter duo did) and she asked him - Bapa...what do you really want to eat? He said - Kaleji Kosha. She knew that he had said that partly because she was avoiding eating meat due to his health issues and loved Kaleji (mutton liver). So when she went home, she asked her Ma to make some Kaleji Kosha. Oriya Mothers are famous for cooking and feeding their families till their stomachs are filled to the point of bursting.  Ma got out her degchi and sent Shankar (the gardener) to get the freshest Kaleji available in the market...both father and daughter enjoyed the Kaleji Kosha that day like there was no tomorrow... he was right...four months later he was no more...it has been 9 months since then and all I remember is the love, the laughter and the hope...the hope that miracles do happen and we will get more time......but the reality is  there were no tomorrows, happy endings or miracles in this story...just gratitude for the time that we got to spend together and love for the man that Bapa was.

For Kaleji Kasha you need :

• 500 gms - Mutton Kaleji (wash in warm water cut into small pieces and keep aside) 
• 2 large Red Onions (finely chopped)
• 2 large Vine grown tomatoes (finely chopped)
• 1 tbsp Ginger Garlic Paste
• the ubiquitous Tej Potro (Bay Leaves)
• My Ma doesn't use whole masala because we just don't like the taste of the whole cardamom or clove in the curry (so we lightly microwave 2-3 cloves, cardamom, nutmeg and grind the same - use about 1/2 tsp of this mix...it is potent and can overwhelm)
• the usual suspects - turmeric, chilli and cumin/coriander powder

How my Ma makes it?

In a large degchi (this is the cast iron kind)...heat up 2 tbsp of mustard oil (if this was my kitchen it would be 1 tsp of Olive Oil). To this add a pinch of sugar (it helps the Onions to caramelize). Add a pinch of hing (this is something my Ma and I do with our cooking, avoid if you don't like hing) and tej potro. Add the ginger garlic paste and Onions. Cook till Onions are caramelized, then add the tomatoes and the usual suspects (turmeric, chilli and cumin/coriander powders). Now cook till everything integrates and the smell in the kitchen is pure magic (takes about 15 minutes...but follow your eyes and nose). Now add in the Mutton Kaleji (liver) and cook for about 1/2 hr plus...add the 1/2 tsp of the ground masala mix and salt to taste. The secret here is patience, no adding water (keep it on low flame) and cook, taste, cook...follow that process till it tastes perfect (and looks like the picture above)

Enjoy with hot phulkas or rice (add some love and laughter on the side…makes for great memories)

Show me your Heart

Life is so full, that at times it gets overwhelming...I learnt the principle of KISS (keep it simple sista) early in my work life but learnt to apply it late to my personal life but some wise person said - Better Late than Never.

Heart Disease is the No.1 killer in the US (one out of every three are impacted by it). The No.1 cause for this No.1 killer is STRESS. Our lives are overflowing with To-Do Lists, Juggling, Parenting, Cooking, Working, Balancing Spreadsheets and we still  itch to add activities to  our weekend schedule.This year I have decided to take a stand and am putting my money where my mouth is - I am participating in the Bay Area Heart Walk.

Please support this cause - it has affected a lot of us personally...K1 lost both his paternal grandparents to a heart attack and a stroke and I know a number of you have stories similar to his...it's about building awareness and mindfulness...one step at a time...it could be your lunch money for a day, maybe more...every little bit counts.

Donate for my cause here
Walk with me here